Archive for the ‘Spirituality’ Category

When Life’s challenges seem to come at us at a fast and furious pace, it’s easy to get bogged down by a very limited view of things. Limited views, by definition, are only a finite part of a greater whole. And so, like the astronauts who get to view Earth from a greater distance and thereby gain a broader perspective, I think it’s important for us to be able to create something like “greater distance” from our daily demands so that we too can gain greater perspective about our lives and our purpose.

Recently I put two ideas together that I recently read which when combined, go a long way toward accomplishing that goal.

Every thought you have has a beginning and an end. As such, thoughts are finite. You, on the other hand, are not. You are non-local awareness temporarily residing in a physical body. Awareness is different than thought. To keep it simple, let’s just liken thoughts to facts and awareness to intuition. Intuition precedes and encompasses thought. It is a kind of knowing…separate from the physical body…at once infinite and eternal. 

When stresses in you Life build up, it’s pretty common to go into thought overload about how to deal with all that’s happening.  It’s in those “thought loops”, as I call them, that we get stuck going ’round and ’round looking for a way out. But if you can stop! for just a second when you find yourself in the “loop” and remember that your thoughts begin and end while you do not…that you are the intuitive knowing that precedes and encompasses all thought…it can go a long way towards giving you that expanded perspective that, by it’s very nature, removes the grandeur and immediacy from those troubling thoughts.

I think outside the box but I live in it, as do you. I never give advice or share perspective that I have not lived or am not living.  Lately, I have had an almost inconceivable amount of stress in my Life. What I am sharing here actually works! Whenever I find myself deep in trying to figure it all out…I just imagine everything that I think is so troublesome as the Earth and my body as that spacecraft the astronauts go up in. Then I look back at it all from my place of non-local awareness and poof!…I see it all differently, more holistically, and certainly more meaningfully.

So, today, when it all gets to be too much…go beyond it all, literally…and retreat to that state of non-local awareness that you are…then sit back and enjoy both the ride and the view.

I blame Aristotle.  He’s the one who laid the groundwork two thousand or so years ago for thinking of reality in terms of duality. He told us things were either “A or not A.” In linear, dualistic thinking, there’s no possibility that anything other than one of two possible conditions or outcomes exist. And things tend to move between the two.. leaving, literally, no other options. So, things are good or they are not good. And if they are not good, well…take the economy as we speak.

The economy, as evidenced by the stock market and the standard of living, was booming. In Aristotle’s world that was good. Now, the DOW has plummeted and the banks may need rescuing so that must now be bad. Hence, all the worry and yes, even panic.

Like I said, I blame Aristotle.

We are two thousand years smarter than when he saw all that he was able to see from where he was standing. Now, thanks to Einstein, quantum physics and a whole host of other intuitive and intelligent women and men, we know that things are hardly what they appear, that what we think we see determines what we see, depending on your vantage point, two observers will see things differently, and finally, and perhaps most importantly, nothing is static…everything is constantly in motion. Which is why Aristotle really set us off on the wrong track because if everything is constantly in motion, then nothing is ever “A or not A” but some combination or variation of both. Which is why the “good” economy was great for some, good for others, and difficult for the rest. But more importantly, it’s why the present economy, that was perceived as good, is not Now bad.

The more accurate representation is the Eastern symbol for Yin and Yang. It is a circle with two sections delineated with one black and one white.  Aha! you say. There it is. Aristotle’s “A or not.” Well, not even close. Because within the white portion of the Yin is a black circle and within the black portion of the Yang is a white circle. Both hold the seeds of the other and both are simultaneously what they are and what they are not.

While things were seemingly great with the economy it held the seeds of the change we are Now experiencing.  And as we go through this transition, no matter how apparently difficult, it holds the seeds of a time when we will have passed through this difficulty. It’s all an endless circle…with every part holding the potential for the emergence of every other part.

Which is where the saying “It’s not what happens to you it’s how you handle it” comes from.

Change is inevitable yet it’s what we resist most in our lives. We like to know who and what we can count on…who and what are reliable. But it would serve us best to accept that since everything is in motion, it would make much more sense for us to remain fluid in our thinking as well so that we can align with rather than resist the inevitable.

The economy and the stock market are never up or down. They are constantly in flux…as are we. It is only the way we choose to look at things that causes us to become worrisome and fearful when that movement accelerates.

Let’s think of the current economic transition as if we are going through a tunnel rather than falling down a bottomless well.  By so doing, we can acknowledge the temporary diminished visibility and know that at the other end will be an expanded vista with greater light. Not to mention that without a little darkness…how would we ever appreciate the light?

I’m not a Pollyanna. I know transition and change are challenging.  But if we can understand that Aristotle was limited in his view and that we have relied upon his thinking for way too long, perhaps we can provide more flexibility and less suffering to the challenges we are Now being asked to meet.

As early as 16 months ago, I began writing about the challenges presented when fear rears it’s ugly head and we are asked to either succumb to it or rise above it. I was writing from a spiritual perspective and, for many, such musings are more philosophical than practical and so are placed low on the priority list of where their focus needs to be.  But those entries were originating from an “early warning system”, if you will, and were an attempt to lay the foundation and set forth guiding principles for what we now face in a very real and practical sense.

We are awakening each and every day to increasingly grim economic news. The potential for unprecedented difficulties and challenges is generating, what can accurately be stated to be, worldwide fear. Media headlines and breaking news fuel the fires of panic. The air is thick with worry. Such an environment is easily contagious and self-fulfilling by the sheer nature of it’s intensity.

However, there is good news also. The importance of seeking and speaking it cannot be overstated.

In the most constricted environments, there are always options….there is always the possibility for choice. This is where all those early warnings Now come into play. Free Will is not some esoteric concept. It is our birthright. We are free, at every moment, to create a world based upon fear or one based upon love. I need not belabor what a world based upon fear looks like. We have historically too often been manipulated by the creation of such a world by those in apparent power. The opportunity each of us is Now being presented with is to ignore the messages of fear and instead hold thoughts of plenty, aspirations of peace and trust in the highest good for all concerned.

There is no more of an instructive and constructive thought for you to hold onto at this time than this:

                                        F.E.A.R…False Events Appear Real

At the quantum level, physicists have shown that the observed is affected and changed by the presence of the observer. This is because what one perceives has a direct impact upon the matter being perceived. I use the term matter both literally and figuratively.  Literally, our world is composed of matter, manifested. It originates in, and is manifested from, thought. Figuratively, when things seem to be going “wrong'” the question we pose is “What’s the matter?”  Change your thought and the matter changes.

There is a core truth here.

                           If you think things are a certain way…so shall they be.

The challenge and the opportunity we Now face is to see the illusion of fear for what it is: an illusion. By so doing, we can co-create and manifest, in the most literal sense, an alternative reality…different matter…wherein the guiding principles are not fear and separation but rather compassion and Oneness.

Let the markets crumble and as you watch, see only rebirth. Allow the old and worn out to decompose so that out of the resulting dust your vision may cause to arise a new and more enlightened way for we humans to be that which we are so much more capable of being.

P.S. Here are the links to 3 of last year’s entries that were setting the stage for what we are now experiencing and the inner guidance it will take to get through it.

http://blog.carolemckay.com/2007/05/18/fear-factor.aspx
http://blog.carolemckay.com/2007/05/23/the-antidote-to-terror.aspx
http://blog.carolemckay.com/2007/06/25/finding-your–way.aspx

Remember to click here to download a copy of my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets”
 
    

    
         

I’m a mystic. What that means to me is that organized religion as practiced today leaves me wanting, but I find the world of the metaphysical full of wonder and satisfaction…not to mention a direct link to Creator. Still I am human and, periodically, we all have our doubts.

Last night I had one of those experiences that just wipes all that doubt away.

I have an in ground, concrete swimming pool on my property. It’s scheduled to be “closed” for the winter today. So, it’s my job, the day before closing, to drain the pool down to a certain water level for the winter. There are two ways I do that. 1) I use the motor to “backwash” a certain amount and 2) I then use a portable, submersible pump to drain the remainder. I had done both by last night then went off to sleep.

It was a fitful night and just before dawn, I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed that the pool became drained of all it’s water then, somehow, caught on fire. The dream was so frightening in the way I envisioned it that I awoke fearful and couldn’t go back to sleep. Fully awake, I showered and dressed. When I arrived downstairs and looked out the kitchen window, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The pool was drained of about twice as much water as it had been the night before when I went off to sleep.

I rushed outside… all the while trying to figure out how it had happened…as the submersible pump was no longer plugged in and was sitting outside the pool. Then it dawned on me!  When I had used the motor to lower the first few inches of water, I had forgotten to turn the flow valve off of backwash. Slowly, overnight, water had leaked through the system and caused the drop in level.

Immediately I began to actually fill the pool as the level was now too low for the winter. While I was doing that, I thought how the dream had been trying to wake me and warn me that the pool was continuing to drain.  However, I just couldn’t figure out where the fire in the dream had come from when suddenly I heard the pool equipment making a horrible sound I had never heard before. I rushed over to the equipment and saw that the automatic timer that turns the pool on and off each day was still set. The motor had turned on, but with no water in the system. Had I not been there at that moment to shut off the motor…the system would have burned out and a fire would have likely ensued!

I always read a book just before going off to sleep and last night I was reading “The Prophet’s Way” by Thom Hartmann. In particular, I was reading about his having once been in the office of Jean Young, former United Nations administrator and wife of Andrew Young, former Mayor of Atlanta. Hartmann was accompanying a mystic named Herr Gottfired Muller to the meeting which was to discuss the building of a school in Africa for poor and abandoned children. During the meeting Mrs. Young left the room for a moment. Mueller turned to Hartmann and asked him if he had seen the “Angels” that were around Mrs. Young. At first, he thought Mueller was being figurative but quickly realized he meant what he said. Mueller said there were two angels with Mrs. Young, one of which never left her side. Parenthetically, Jean Young was a much admired woman during her life who did amazing work and left a lasting impression on everyone who met her.

Why tell you about Jean Young, the Angels, and my swimming pool?

Because I am certain there were Angels in her office that day protecting and guiding her just as there were Angels protecting me and guiding me in my sleep last night. I was warned and awakened by that guidance and it protected me against a potential catastrophe today.

We are living through challenging and uncertain times and it’s easy to feel that we’re alone against insurmountable odds. The next time I am in doubt about Creator, It’s Love for Us and It’s guiding hand…I hope I remember this story.

I wish the same to you.

 

> It was the end of a long, difficult day that was at the end
of a long difficult week that was at the end of a long difficult year. It was night time and I was lying in my bed,
hands covering my eyes, fighting a losing battle to hold back tears of
exhaustion and despair. On my dresser
across the room sat a Himalayan salt lamp that gave off a warm glow throughout the
room.

Just as I was thinking how the light from that lamp beyond my intertwined
fingers seemed to beckon me to find my way through the intervening darkness, I was suddenly transported back in time and space to a fun house I once
navigated through as a child. With that memory came an instantaneous tightening
in my stomach joined by shallow breathing, as I recalled the feeling of terror
I experienced in that dark, cavernous enclosure trying to feel my way through to daylight. As I reached out for something to hold onto that would help me navigate the interior, I recalled feeling terrified of the all the unknown sensations I might possibly
encounter.

Now, lying in my bed protected by both time and distance, I dared
ask myself “What was it that had been so terrifying in that fun house?”
The answer came without hesitation. It was the experience of being reduced to
only two things of which I might be certain and upon which I might rely: my own inner voice and the unknown. This realization
was, it turns out, the same feeling I am currently experiencing at the end of
this long, difficult year.

Going through divorce and the ending to what I believed
would be a lasting union, unable to work and on crutches from a fall that resulted in
a torn tendon in my foot, I found myself
alone and fundamentally unable to care for myself, my daughter, my animals or
my home. Yes friends helped out here and there (even my ex-husband stepped up, however briefly). But when for six weeks, just getting showered and downstairs in the
morning is about all you can do before feeling exhausted, well-meaning people
can only provide so much relief. At the end of the day, and the end of the day
has now lasted six weeks, I have been alone with only those same two things I could
count on back then in that fun house. My own inner voice and the unknown.

Yet, like the salt lamp whose glow beckoned me to move toward
the light across my bedroom, these six weeks have provided their own light.
Infinite Light.

Through all of the difficulties (and there have been seemingly
new ones heaped upon me each day) I’ve had the same beckoning sense that I am
being shown the way out of the darkness.I can say that for almost each difficulty, there has been as many signs
and miracles letting me know that I am not truly alone….that there is a
Presence… a protective and guiding Force… lighting the way. It has been my job,
as it was those many years ago, to be open to that Guidance from Within that is
the voice of All That Is and, rather than fear the unknown, to reach for it and
embrace it fully.

Darkness as a reality and darkness as symbolism is, for many
people, associated with fear. I think now I know the reason why. In darkness,
we are turned inward as the outer world is diminished or disappears
completely, depending on the degree of darkness.Absent light, we see only our inner selves. We
face what it is we really feel. We cannot distract ourselves from the path. We can only “feel” our way through, by reaching out and knowing that we may, along the way, indeed
encounter sights and sensations we would prefer to avoid.

But since paradox is the building block upon which our world
exists, within darkness exists the most profound opportunity to experience Illumination.
Infinite Light does not exist only for all time. It exists in all space. So when you enter into the darkness as I did in that fun house, or as I have
done in my life over the past several months, the undeniable knowing of that experience is that Light
is Who You Are and it is You Who Lights The Way. You are both the Light and the
Way.

Not being Christian, as I write those words I
none-the-less hear and feel the message of one of the many Master Teachers who
have walked, and continue to walk, this Earth. The teaching is golden.  As is the
Light it shines for those who are willing to brave the darkness within.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>  
     Let’s start out with a disclosure: I’m a life-long registered Democrat. It’s important to get that on the table so you know I have no axe to grind here. What I am about to say is not in support of electing John McCain. Quite frankly, I don’t know what I will do come November 4th.  But there’s time yet to make that call and in the meantime, part of making that call is doing my homework and resolving, where possible, my concerns.  Now having explained this, here’s my concern.
    I’m concerned that millions of people in this country think that Barack Obama is going to save them. Save them from themselves. They are investing their energy and their hope in him rather than in themselves. So that when utopia does not finally appear by way of this particular candidate having occupied the White House, they can say yet again that politicians are all con artists and government has failed them once more.
    His acceptance speech was emotionally stirring and the visuals and lead up masterfully orchestrated. He’s a great orator oozing with charisma who is speaking the language people want to hear. Change is the word of the day and he perceived it and seized it from the get go. Good for him.
    But as I watched and listened to his acceptance speech, I heard promises of, quite frankly, miracle after miracle of what he is going to do. If you listened carefully, he’s going to fix just about every problem we have.  He’s never done the job before, or even one remotely like it; these problems have been around for decades; they are complex problems that require multifaceted solutions; they may even be problems that cannot be fixed but are instead systems and processes that are archaic and must be dismantled and replaced…but he’s going to fix them none-the-less.
    Having said all of that, it’s not him and his absolute knowing I’m concerned about. He’s a politician trying to get elected to a job he wants. He’ll say what we want to hear.
    It’s us I’m concerned about,
    It’s the significant portion of the population who thinks that change comes from anyone or anywhere other than from inside themselves.
    Our fundamental problems are social and moral.  You cannot legislate social conscience or morality. We have lost our way to technology and the endless consuming of things with disregard for the effect we have upon one another or the planet. We have not lost the capacity for compassion although we have lost the will to act upon that compassion. These are the roots of our suffering and neither Barack Obama nor any other individual can save us from ourselves.
    The job of repairing this nation is no different than the spiritual job of repairing the world. The concept, in Hebrew, is expressed as tikkun olam…repairing the world. And so when lasting change comes, it starts individually, one step at a time; one good deed at a time; one conscious choice at a time.  Lasting change happens in small ways, personal ways, once each of us decides to no longer choose expediency rather than meaning; more rather than enough; separation rather than unity; apathy rather than concern and, inaction rather than action. Lasting change is a slow and deliberate process during which we fall down many times before we are able to finally stand on our own solid footing.  It is not the single, momentary act of pulling a lever and electing a new President.
    When enough individuals continuously participate in the kinds of choices that effect lasting change, then the collective that we are as a nation will take on a different character and heightened emanation of it’s own…a character and emanation we can be proud that will show the way not only for we Americans but for the world as well.
    My caution about this election is to be alert and aware of the inappropriate investment in the illusion that Barack Obama,  or any other individual, can or will do it for us.
    Yes. The time is now. And Yes, we can.
    But this one’s for You. And Me.
    One conscious choice at a time.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”
    
    
    
    
  

>   There are plenty of examples about famous, creative and influencial people who, although inspiring millions through their teachings, had difficulty in their own personal lives in “walking” their talk.” I can deeply empathize and, perhaps, this entry is my own mea culpa for failing to do so.
    Just two days ago I wrote an entry entitled “Presence, Patience and Trust” that extolled the benefits of accepting Life as It shows up and trusting in the goodness of not only all that is but also all that will be as a result. So, in the past 24 hours, as the threads on my emotional rope wore thin and I repeatedly lost my temper…not to mention my presence, patience and trust…I feel somewhat hypocritical.
    Hence, this mea culpa.
    But when I look up the meaning and origin of the phrase “mea culpa” (I’m Jewish so I needed some clarification here) I find that it refers to an action wherein “the individual recognizes his or her flaws before God.” So I’m not quite certain this is, in fact a mea culpa. First, I’m not owning up before God, just my readers. And secondly, I don’t really see my behavior as a “flaw” but more as another opportunity to grow towards my highest good as a spiritual being along the path of having a human experience. If I accept myself as “flawed” then I imply that I, and ultimately others, are somehow “bad.” That’s a slilppery slope I’d rather not go down since, historically, it seems to end at “original sin”…a concept I do not sanction.
    So in order to not get stuck in feeling badly about myself for not having chosen my highest good, I think there’s an analogy that helps me approach the moment in a more positive way.
    It’s the principal that we give charity in order to make room for more abundance to flow into us which, in turn, allows us to give even more charity. Without “making room” so to speak for “more… it’s impossible to fill up a vessel already full.
    In the case of my losing my temper, since all matter is just energy of varying frequencies, there may just be some “stored” or “negative’ energy in me that needed to be discharged, or emptied, in order to make room for more positive energy that would serve me better in achieving my highest good. Therefore I look at that “discharge” of stored up energy I exhibited as a necessary clearing in order to be open to receiving that which I need.  Once cleared of the debilitating, stored-up energy, I am helping myself get clearer and clearer about Who I Want To Be and what types of experiences do not support that vision.  After all, now that it’s “out of me” I can clearly see that neither it, not the circumstances that prompted it, are consistent with my vision of myself.
    Now, like the vessel that has room for abundance to flow into it…I am cleared to refill the vessel that is Me with energy that is more supportive of Who I Am.
    Some of you may say this has all been an exercise in justification for inappropriate behavior. But I would respond to such a charge by saying that all behavior labeled “inappropriate” is performed by someone who has not yet embraced their inherent divinity and is struggling to find the means to so.
    Since at one time or another we’ve each been there…let’s slide one another, and especially ourselves, a little compassion and understanding.
    Now that would be the highest good for all concerned.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, ‘Too Many Secrets.”
   
   

>   It’s our most difficult challenges that present us with the greatest opportunities for personal growth.  I’d say divorce ranks really high on that list. So, since I’m going through one as I write, I thought I’d share an insight or two.

    Insight #1: It’s never about them. It’s always about you.
   

        It’s so easy to find fault with the Other and make them the reason for the break-up of a relationship. In fact, it’s too easy. Focusing or blaming another is simply a convenient technique to absolve yourself from personal responsibility for 1) choosing to align with that person to begin with and/or 2) acknowledging that you’ve changed… grown…. and the alliance no longer supports your highest good (or usually theirs as well, for that matter, but that’s their issue to deal with not yours).
    If you  choose a partner for the wrong reason(s)…out of need and dependence rather than out of a maturation process wherein you’ve actualized yourself and seek out another fully actualized person…then you can almost certainly anticipate a future point in time when the “jig” will be up and you will find yourself faced with an increasingly deteriorating relationship, as well as an ally turned adversary.
    The solution to this situation gone awry is to take stock of where you are in your own life and how you see yourself going forward. If that assessment and vision is inconsistent with who the Other is, well, then, you’ve got two choices. Abandon your own desires and goals or relinquish the illusion that they are attainable while aligned with incompatible energy in the form of a partner who does not enhance, or cannot even help support, that vision you have for yourself.
    It’s my experience that no matter how difficult the latter, it is not only do-able but it’s also the only road to self-respect and self-actualization.  Abandonment creates deep emotional wounds…whether someone does it to you or you do it to yourself.

    Insight #2:  Accepting responsibility brings inner peace and facilitates forgiveness.

    Refusing to accept responsibility for your choices, but instead placing blame on events and persons beyond yourself, fuels feelings of resentment, anger and victimization. If you believe that what you are experiencing is the result of someone else’s choice or events beyond your control, then it is impossible to feel at peace with what is happening in your life.  More importantly, if your suffering is someone else’s fault then how can you forgive them for your plight? Without forgiveness, you’re going to stay stuck in negative feelings that will only serve to impede your own growth and prevent you from actualizing your highest good.
    Once you accept that your choices have created every experience you are having in your life, as well as all the people who are showing up in it, only then can you begin to make deliberate and conscious choices that fully support you in achieving the life you truly intend. Fully conscious choice that originates from a place of heart-felt passion within you is the road to inner peace and personal satisfaction.
    Accepting personal responsibility for your circumstances allows you to see others in a different light going forward and to forgive both them and yourself for past circumstances. 

    So as I traverse this rocky divorce terrain, filled with opportunities to stumble, I am reminded of the adage that it’s not falling down that matters but how quickly you are able to get back up.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

    
   

>   First, the disclosure: I have not seen “Dark Knight.” That’s not to say I don’t know what it’s about or what the message is. My daughter has seen it and the media is replete with reviews so I feel sufficiently informed to write this entry. What I have seen is Christine Amanpour’s CNN special “Buddha’s Warriors.”  These two media presentations pose a stark and illuminating contrast in how we get to choose the way in which we view the world and the way in which we respond to that choice.
    In “Buddha’s Warriors” Amanpour traces the history of Tibet (and it’s peoples devotion to the Dalai Lama) through the present occupation of Tibet by the Chinese and the non-violent effort by thousands of exiled Buddhist monks to return to their homeland with full religious autonomy. In the face of violent military crackdowns in Tibet and Burma (Myanmar) that have resulted in the beating, torture and killing of civilians and monks alike, the Tibetan people, their monks and the Dalai Lama himself continue to both preach and practice the highest principles of Buddhism…compassion, joy and non-violent civil disobedience.
    Not so, Batman Bruce Wayne. Here, in “Dark Knight” we enter the reality of George Bush and others who view the world as a place of terror to be dealt with by affecting vigilante justice to meet evil with evil. While this approach momentarily satisfies our basest instincts for revenge and getting the outcome we want at any price…several thousand years of historical patterns bear witness to the fact that all war and hatred get us are more war and hatred. War doesn’t end war. Peace does.
    Which brings us back to the Dalai Lama, his monks and the Tibetan people.  They too, like the people of Gotham City, are in the fight of their lives. For the Tibetans it’s not cinema, it’s real. And yet, faced with a potentially devastating and irreversible outcome, the annihilation of their culture, they remain heart-centered and mindful even, on occasion, praying for their captors while yet imprisoned and beaten. As one young Tibetan “activist” said, “it is our silence that will change the hearts and minds of the Chinese.” He refers not to the silence born of fear but a silence born of Love and Certainty. It is the silence of Jesus, Mahatmas Ghandi, Martin Luther King, and Rosa Parks…messengers whose message is eternal.
     Batman or The Dalai Lama? A vision based upon terror and war or one of compassion and peace? More time wasted on hatred and separation or a future built upon Love and Unity?
    We each get to choose and as we do, the power of our choice and our thinking gets added to the collective consciousness. When enough of us choose Love and Unity I believe that young Tibetan activist will experience the “victory of silence” he envisions.
    So may we all.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”
    
    

>   Going through divorce is usually a private matter. I can attest to that as a former divorce lawyer. But when you write an inspirational blog, as I do, everything is “grist for the blog mill” so to speak. Having been in Court just days ago for a hearing in my divorce, I thought it important to share my insight with you.
    First, a little background.
    Much of what I have come to know, spiritually, is the result of a lifelong search to find an ever-deepening meaning to existence. Where I find myself at this point in my life along that quest is in the role of “silent witness” to all that happens to me and around me. As a silent witness, I participate in what happens while simultaneously “watching it” as well. Watching it means observing it without judgment, something a participant lacks the objectivity to do.
    So it was that yesterday I found myself both participant in a heated exchange between my husband, myself, our respective lawyers and the Court as well as a silent observer. It was really a remarkable experience for I saw, in that one moment, the irony and paradox of relationships and what gets in the way of their success.
    You see, my husband and I are getting divorced and we still love each other. The struggle for control that we are now engaged in is just a continuation of the struggle we were engaged during the marriage. The realization I had sitting in that Courtroom was that both the struggle and the love are necessary components of oneness…of unity. Where so many relationships go awry is seeing these components as separate. And it’s the perception of separateness that actually creates the separateness and estrangement that leads to divorce.
    Anything that grows creates stress points that are the inevitable result of expansion.  Relationships are no different. As they change, stress points are created that arise in the form of conflict.
    The key to understanding and navigating the paradox of relationships is to know that both the struggle and the love are natural and necessary components of the same process and to also know that you cannot have one without the other. To not get so caught up in winning the battle or trying to control the outcome that you lose sight of the ever-present love. And, of course, to allow them both to flourish.
    It may be too late for my husband and me but perhaps not for you.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”