> It was the end of a long, difficult day that was at the end
of a long difficult week that was at the end of a long difficult year. It was night time and I was lying in my bed,
hands covering my eyes, fighting a losing battle to hold back tears of
exhaustion and despair. On my dresser
across the room sat a Himalayan salt lamp that gave off a warm glow throughout the
Just as I was thinking how the light from that lamp beyond my intertwined
fingers seemed to beckon me to find my way through the intervening darkness, I was suddenly transported back in time and space to a fun house I once
navigated through as a child. With that memory came an instantaneous tightening
in my stomach joined by shallow breathing, as I recalled the feeling of terror
I experienced in that dark, cavernous enclosure trying to feel my way through to daylight. As I reached out for something to hold onto that would help me navigate the interior, I recalled feeling terrified of the all the unknown sensations I might possibly
Now, lying in my bed protected by both time and distance, I dared
ask myself â€œWhat was it that had been so terrifying in that fun house?â€
The answer came without hesitation. It was the experience of being reduced to
only two things of which I might be certain and upon which I might rely: my own inner voice and the unknown. This realization
was, it turns out, the same feeling I am currently experiencing at the end of
this long, difficult year.
Going through divorce and the ending to what I believed
would be a lasting union, unable to work and on crutches from a fall that resulted in
a torn tendon in my foot, I found myself
alone and fundamentally unable to care for myself, my daughter, my animals or
my home. Yes friends helped out here and there (even my ex-husband stepped up, however briefly). But when for six weeks, just getting showered and downstairs in the
morning is about all you can do before feeling exhausted, well-meaning people
can only provide so much relief. At the end of the day, and the end of the day
has now lasted six weeks, I have been alone with only those same two things I could
count on back then in that fun house. My own inner voice and the unknown.
Yet, like the salt lamp whose glow beckoned me to move toward
the light across my bedroom, these six weeks have provided their own light.
Through all of the difficulties (and there have been seemingly
new ones heaped upon me each day) I’ve had the same beckoning sense that I am
being shown the way out of the darkness.I can say that for almost each difficulty, there has been as many signs
and miracles letting me know that I am not truly aloneâ€¦.that there is a
Presenceâ€¦ a protective and guiding Forceâ€¦ lighting the way. It has been my job,
as it was those many years ago, to be open to that Guidance from Within that is
the voice of All That Is and, rather than fear the unknown, to reach for it and
embrace it fully.
Darkness as a reality and darkness as symbolism is, for many
people, associated with fear. I think now I know the reason why. In darkness,
we are turned inward as the outer world is diminished or disappears
completely, depending on the degree of darkness.Absent light, we see only our inner selves. We
face what it is we really feel. We cannot distract ourselves from the path. We can only â€œfeelâ€ our way through, by reaching out and knowing that we may, along the way, indeed
encounter sights and sensations we would prefer to avoid.
But since paradox is the building block upon which our world
exists, within darkness exists the most profound opportunity to experience Illumination.
Infinite Light does not exist only for all time. It exists in all space. So when you enter into the darkness as I did in that fun house, or as I have
done in my life over the past several months, the undeniable knowing of that experience is that Light
is Who You Are and it is You Who Lights The Way. You are both the Light and the
Not being Christian, as I write those words I
none-the-less hear and feel the message of one of the many Master Teachers who
have walked, and continue to walk, this Earth. The teaching is golden. As is the
Light it shines for those who are willing to brave the darkness within.
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