Archive for April, 2008

>We, The People, owe a debt of gratitude to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. He has, by example, unveiled an important Truth for us.
    For the past 20 years or so, Reverend Wright has held a position of prominence within his Church and within the African-American community in general. As a result of Barack Obama’s campaign for the Presidency, Reverend Wright began to take on yet greater prominence, culminating in his speech before the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. this week. The content and delivery of that speech brings to light a Truth so fundamental as not to be ignored.

          Ego is an addiction to the misuse of power.  
   
    Reverend Wright just couldn’t stop himself. As Obama’s spiritual mentor, he was given an opportunity by way of friendship and Fate to have the eyes and ears of America, perhaps the world, upon him. He had an opportunity to speak Truth to Power in a humble and poignant way. He failed miserably because Ego (and it’s operating principal that “more is never enough”) is an addiction to the relentless accumulation and exercise of power. In his failure to recognize the danger of the path he chose to pursue, Reverend Wright has been consumed in the burning fire of his own ego.
    Along with the felling of that tree, he may just have taken down the whole forest.
    Which may be a good thing.
    Barack Obama has finally “disavowed” himself from Reverend Wright and what the Reverend espouses. But Obama’s action, taken so late in the game, raises disturbing questions about the candidate’s veracity and judgment. Yesterday, as I watched various videos on-line of Obama’s efforts to distance himself from the spectacle and hatred spewed by Reverend Wright, I had an overriding impression that will not leave me.
    My impression was, and remains, that the candidate is in over his head.
    I am not ready to judge Barack Obama and find him a liar as some  now do. I am not prepared to conclude that he always knew who Reverend Wright was, condoned his hate speech, and turned a blind eye accordingly. That now, with so much at stake and Reverend Wright’s unrestrained behavior, Obama has no choice but to say “this is not the man I met 20 years ago.” I don’t think Obama is malevolent.
    What I observed is that Barack Obama seemed genuinely shocked and confused by his mentor’s behavior. He had the look and demeanor of one who is betrayed by his best friend. Obama could not look the camera, or the American public, in the eye as he severed that 20 year relationship before the world.
    I don’t think Barack Obama is a liar. I think he has a good heart, I think he is naive. I think he does not know himself all that well and, as a result, does not assess others all that well either.
    Because I think character assessment and good judgment are mandatory qualities and necessary qualifications for the Presidency, I think he is not ready to be President of the United States.
    We owe Reverend Wright a debt of gratitude for his gift. Let’s not devalue what he has given us by ignoring it.

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>A 73-year-old father in Austria imprisoned and held hostage his 18- year-old-daughter in the basement of his home for 24 years repeatedly raping her and fathering at least 7 children with her, many of whom were born in captivity and never saw the light of day until freed by authorities this week.
    Sometimes it’s harder than other times to find the positive message in a story.
    It really challenges the rational mind and the loving heart to make any sense of this barbarous and heinous act. I am certain lawyers and psychologists will plead insanity or incapacity or some “Twinkie-like” defense (I’m a former practicing lawyer) but the woman and mother in me can find no justification sufficient to relieve this man of the burden of responsibility for his choices. Twenty-four years is a long, long time. Both the extent and complexity of his ongoing scheme necessitated repeated intent and knowing, willful behavior. Whether Austrian law will dictate the death penalty or his remaining years imprisoned without parole, one or the other is the rightful outcome.
    But can we take anything away from this nightmare that can be of service to us? I think so.
    It’s a reminder about the value of human life and, particularly, the value of and dignity due the lives of women. In too many cultures, ours included, we still send messages both overtly and covertly that it’s OK to objectify women, to think of them as property. And while we’ve come a long way, we’ve a long way to go.
    Recently separated, I had my own two experiences of late. The first was at a restaurant/bar where, after accepting a dance with a man, he proceeded to “steer” me off the dance floor by repeatedly touching me…as if I could not get to where I was headed without his assistance. I don’t really think that was his intent. I think he was claiming some level of ownership in relation to the other men around. He was saying, “This is mine so I can touch it.” The second happened days later when I met my estranged husband in a public place to discuss the terms of our separation. As we were entering the Barnes and Noble book store, he slapped me on the rear end and said, “Well, you won’t be on waiver long.” And while he was, in his own mind, “complimenting” me for how I looked, he was also assuming he had the right to touch me without my consent.
    I can take care of myself and let both men know they were over the line. But here’s the point.
    When you live in a society that markets sex and objectifies women in the media while still turning a somewhat blind eye to sexual harassment in the workplace, there is the tacit sanctioning of devaluing an entire gender. Once this happens, it becomes a slippery slope.
    I’m not saying that the average man is capable of the despicable acts performed by this sick “father” in Austria. Nor am I absolving women of our responsibility of knowing when a line is crossed and the need to speak out arises.
    What I am saying, however, is that the bar needs to be set very high when it comes to honoring human dignity, regardless of gender, and the burden is on each of us to lend our strength to seeing that the bar never falters.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     Yesterday I once again spoke to about 450 high-school-age students about depression and suicide. While those subjects are the groundwork for my presentation, I really talk to them about a way of life I have discovered that works for me. It’s all about being in pursuit of your own inner truth and using your own inner guidance to get there. Along the way, I’ve learned how to deal with the inevitable pain we humans experience around resistance and change, as well as how I get through difficult times.
    It was a very timely presentation as I’ve recently had my share of unanticipated changes and the pain that accompanies them…so yesterday I happened to be living not only the opportunity pass on what I perceive to be pearls of wisdom..but also to walk my talk.
    Life has a way of doing that, you know. Just when you think you have something figured out, in theory, Life steps in and says, “OK, now let’s just see how that works for you.”  And usually, the actual experience of living your talk is accompanied by yet another and deeper understanding that only walking the talk can provide.
    Such was the case yesterday.
    After detailing for these young adults how our thoughts create the way we feel, and if you feel badly…change your thought, I came home at the end of the day to receive yet another piece of disappointing news. Just one more atop the heap that has lately piled up. Then, before I realized it, I was knee deep in thinking about all the stress in my life and how in the world was I going to manage it?
    Taking my own advice, I began to change my thoughts.
    Slowly, I let go of the worrying about how I’d manage all of the stress and began to think instead of all the good that’s in my life. The shift from how to manage the future to instead appreciating the present made a perceptible change in the way I felt. It allowed me to release the worry and embrace the gratitude. My spirits were lifted and suddenly all that worry and stress seemed much less important. After all, the resolution of it all would unfold, of it’s own accord, in some future time. But since it wasn’t in the moment, why bother?
    Now up to this point in my story I pretty much already knew how to apply that technique, if you will. It was what came next that was the extra, added insight.
    When you bring yourself truly present in you Life, you don’t suddenly become at peace with the world or morph into some joy-filled Being. However, what you do become is more seated in your own power. The effect of taking control of you thoughts and denying your mind the power to control you, actually empowers you in a way that transcends your mind. It connects you with the Source of All That Is and thereby allows you to experience the true power of Co-Creation. After all, if you are the creator, rather than the victim, of your experience you get to design the experience as well as the outcome. When you actually do this, there is a quiet knowing that builds upon itself and instills within you a new level of certainty in your own ability to handle all that comes your way.
   I woke up this morning and still have the issues to deal with that were in front of me yesterday. But I’ve added strength to the muscle of certainty that I can deal with them whenever and wherever they show up while enjoying myself in the meantime.
   It’s like having a personal trainer for you Soul.
   And it’s cost effective.
   My ex-husband pays $90 an hour for a personal trainer at his gym.
   Mine is free…and I have access no matter where I am.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Mnay Secrets.”

>     There are no accidents.
    Sunday was the first day of Passover, the Jewish Holy Day celebrating the Exodus from Egypt. It was also the day Pope Benedict XVI choose to hold a papal mass at Yankee stadium and visit the site of the World Trade Center destruction.
    I think the coinciding of those two events deserves a closer look.
    The “Haggadah”, the annual retelling of the story of the release of the Jewish people from servitude to Pharaoh, holds an important message…albeit not the one usually recalled. It’s really a story about the seductive ease with which we humans relinquish our sovereignty in exchange for some material comfort and the “luxury” of not thinking for ourselves. It’s about the price we pay in handing over our God-given freedom of choice to people with apparent power. It’s about the courage of a few, in the face of the many, to be absolutely steadfast about what is the highest good for all concerned.
    The interesting aspect of the Haggadah is that it instructs us to recount it each year on the first night of Passover in the present tense…not as an historical recollection…but as an experience we are having in present time. Why?
    Because we humans are so susceptible to forgetting and backsliding that even when we “get it”…we’re likely to “for-get it” almost as quickly. The vulnerabilities and challenges of the ancient Hebrews were no different than our own. And just as they forgot where they were headed, and why, as soon as Moses was a little late in returning, so too we forget the “what” and “why” of our own journeys when our anticipated outcomes are delayed.
    So what’s this all got to do with the Pope and pain?
    The First Seder was the Last Supper. Our faiths are inextricably bound by common origin and shared heritage. The message of Jesus I find of utmost impkrtance is his refusal to bend his own values and truth to the will of those with apparent power. He chose to die rather than to be enslaved.
    The realities that clashed and imploded on September 11, 2001 were each stunning examples of the destruction that can be wrought by those with apparent power. On the one hand there were the energies of the Islamists, the radical Muslim fundamentalists who seek to enslave the world through terror and dogma. On the other hand were the energies of Western materialism, which seek to enslave through egocentric values and the worship of materialism. The collision of all that misdirected energy resulted in massive pain and suffering.
    Pain is the result of being “off course.” Whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual…pain’s purpose exists to wake us up to the reality that something we are doing, or a way in which we are being, is out of balance with the highest good. The pain occurs to bring us present in order that we may correct our own course.
    There it is. The Passover, the Pope, the pain, and the purpose.
    Let us take all the suffering, the falling economy, the political instability, the uncertainty, and the doubt that is swirling around the planet and begin to correct our own course. We need not compromise our higher selves for a little shelter and some more “stuff.” We need no leaders with apparent power to tell us what, in our hearts, we know to be true.
    When you fail to exercise your own power, there is always someone waiting to enslave you to the exercise of their own. True power is your birthright. It comes from within. It’s exhibited and made manifest through living your own truth. It cannot be purchased but it can be given away in a heartbeat.
    Value your most prized possession for what it is and let your pain guide you to your purpose.   

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”
    

>     Recently I’ve had the opportunity to enter into negotiations with someone I have known for quite some time. It’s a fascinating educational experience and, it turns out, a significant life lesson. The teaching is around the importance of shared values in reaching a common goal. I think what I’m learning says a lot about not only my particular situation, but conflict in general.
    Given the abundance of conflict in the world I’d like to pass my understanding forward.
    It’s only natural that where there’s conflict, efforts to resolve it will necessarily involve differing or opposing views. This, of course, is the basis for all conflict. Where we get tripped up is in assuming that the opposing view is founded upon the same core values that we hold. Proceeding from this misguided belief, we further assume that sooner or later, with enough effort, we can guide the opposing view to see it more our way. In certain situations, this may even be possible.
    Where the difficulty comes in is where the opposing view can’t possibly see it your way as your way originates upon not only a different view but also a different value.
    Example.
    You are negotiating terms and come to a mutual understanding of what that term should look like. You move on, believing that issue resolved. When later, the opposing party speaks and acts in a way that is in direct contradiction to the agreed upon term, and you bring it to their attention, their reply is that “they changed their mind” and intend to proceed as they see fit in the moment…regardless of what was previously agreed upon. Now it’s no longer a difference of opinion…now it’s a matter of a different value. One of you values agreements and integrity. The other values self-interest and expediency.
    What to do when values differ and are irreconcilable?
    I’m not totally sure.
    I do know the first step to resolution is to be realistic about where the conflict really exists. It runs much deeper than the circumstances when values differ. Perhaps knowing this, and accepting this, is a major step toward resolution in and of itself.
    I think another important piece is releasing any illusion that the opposition is going to remotely see things your way. By taking that step, it may free you up to settle the superficial conflict and walk away from the underlying one.
    The key is to be clear about which conflict you’re negotiating.
    If you miss the fact that there is a fundamental and critical divergence of values you may waste a lot of time and energy trying to move the mountain…when all that is required in order to move on is the shuffling around of a little loose dirt.
    I hope this helps.
    I’m still unraveling it myself.

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     CNN is reporting that according to Jeffrey Sachs, Director of the Columbia University Earth Institute, the “biggest story” in the world is the escalating price of grain and the resulting riots taking place from “Haiti to Bangladesh to Egypt.” The story further goes on to say that Robert Zoellick, President of the World Bank, says that “soaring prices could mean seven lost years in the fight against world poverty.”
    I am struck by the Zoellick quote as it’s a mere five days until Passover, the Jewish Holiday that commemorates the Exodus from Egypt. Remember, that nation where Joseph, a Jew, ruled as Viceroy to Pharaoh because Pharaoh had a dream that only Joseph could interpret. His interpretation? Seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine. His suggestion? Stock up while the gettin’s good. It was later in that same unfolding of history that Passover commemorates the going out, the Exodus, from Egyptian bondage to freedom in the Promised Land.
    Now I may be mixing some apples and oranges here…or not. But it seems to me that while history often repeats itself, so do spiritually based events where we have failed to learn the higher lesson.
    So here’s my take on all of this.
    We, the United States, the World, had it’s “seven years of plenty” and instead of stocking up, we super-consumed or squandered our plenty. Now, it looks like seven years of famine and the granaries are empty. Or maybe the grain is just being controlled by those who profit off of such matters.
    The point is that reliance on the “Egypt” of today, all those oil rich countries to which we pay homage because we’re addicted to “the way we’ve always done things” has created the mess that is now unfolding around us. Kabbalah, mystical Judaism, teaches that the Egypt of the Old Testament was not an actual nation but rather a “level of consciousness” to which the people had descended in their obsession with ego and materialism.
    If we are there again, what can each of us do if we’re not Bill and Melinda and have no charitable foundation from which to throw billions at the problem? Well, maybe not much in the way of dollars. But the problem didn’t happen overnight and neither will the solution. So work with what you have.
    You have compassion, prayer and the ability to change the way you value, and therefore treat, the planet, it’s resources and it’s inhabitants. You have the freedom to want less and use less. You have to think about whether that next purchase is necessary or habitual. Before you throw something away you have to first ask if someone else might need what it is you’re discarding and if the answer is “likely yes” then you have to take the time and make the effort to get that item to where it can be of help. You have to change the way you are living to consume less and contribute more.    
    Not more money. More conscious behavior around the idea that we are All One and what is happening in Haiti or Bangladesh or Egypt is happening to a part of You.
    Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. It’s not just a cute self-help phrase. It’s physics. And we live in the physic-al world. So we really can make a difference by how we see things and how we act upon that vision.
    I’ll be celebrating Passover this weekend. Judaism demands that every year we treat the Seder meal as we recount the Exodus from slavery to freedom, as if it’s actually happening to us in real time. The last line in the Seder that’s repeated each year is “Next Year in Jerusalem.”
    Here’s a new twist.   
    This year we can be of higher consciousness.
    This year we can avoid past mistakes.
    This year we can trade in ego and materialism for compassion and service.
    This year around the world.

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

> This is personal. It’s also important. I’m in the middle of a divorce. Anyone who’s ever been here, and probably most people who haven’t, can likely imagine that it’s an incredibly difficult and painful experience. After all, don’t all the “experts” agree that other than losing a loved one through death, it’s the most difficult loss a person will ever go through? Well, it’s true. And it hurts, even though I initiated it.
    Maybe.
    I say maybe because I’m living through layers upon layers of this experience and coming to know that All is Paradox and the real question is “How does one want to experience Paradox?”
    Allow me to explain.
    Divorce is like grieving. It has many stages and, like grieving, we are free to stop at any stage along the way without completing the process and thereby choosing to not heal the wounded heart. The first stage is denial. The second stage blame. The third frustration. The fourth anger. The fifth sadness. The sixth fear. The seventh  forgiveness. The eighth is acceptance. The ninth Love.
    How can the last stage of divorce be Love?
    Because only Love is real.
    Within all the need for growth that draws people together…and after all the fear that drives them apart…is simply the Love that exists underneath because everything that has occurred or ever will between two people occurs within the truth that There Is Only One of Us.
    Here’s the Paradox.
    Even when we must part from another, through death or divorce or whatever the cause may be, that parting is simply the creation of more space between different parts of a unified whole. No matter how far apart the distance ever appears to be, it is impossible to move beyond the boundary which is Love…for it is Everywhere to Infinity.
    All that is and ever will be is Love.
    All the space that ever existed…all the time that was ever created by distance…are born of Love.
    And to Love they must return.
    We get it. My husband and I are ending our relationship with our lawyers and coming together in Love to resolve the Paradox ourselves. We love one another yet cannot seem to live together now. We need more space to fully grow into ourselves.         Therefore, we will co-create this ending, and new beginning, in Love.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     I once studied with a spiritual teacher who suggested to me that when I see something in a store that I want to buy I should go away, even if for no longer than it takes to walk around the block, then return and decide if I still want it. He said to do otherwise, to buy in the moment of desire, is to be bought by the object of your desire. “Without reflection, you will never own it,” he warned. “It will always own you.”
    I recalled his teaching in recent days as I continue to listen to all the dire economic news and predictions of the decreasing value of the U.S. dollar’s purchasing power. No doubt we are moving into times of economic restraint. I think it’s a good thing.
    Why?
    Because we Americans love to consume. We love it so much that, somewhere along the way to Now, we lost all perspective and jumbled our priorities. We became, as my spiritual teacher so presciently warned, enslaved to the very act of “having.”  It is my experience that we can either be enslaved to the outer life, with it’s web of desires, or in service to Our Higher Selves.
    When enslaved to the outer life of desire, “more” is never enough…as a dear friend used to be fond of saying. When either the sheer accumulation of material things, or the quest for fame, is both the motivating force as well as the goal, there is no amount of materialism or notoriety that can satisfy the hunger. For it is a hunger. It is a misunderstood need, and futile effort, to close a gap that can only be closed in service to others.
    It is the difference between lust and love. In lust, we cannot get enough. In love, we cannot give enough. Which is why all the great spiritual Masters have tried to teach this Universal Truth. Which leads me to another of my spiritual teacher’s sayings.
    “Fake it ’til you make it.”
    If you have been enslaved, as so many of us are, to wanting and getting and having… it will not be automatic, or necessarily easy, to shift to a mindset of giving. It may be even more difficult to believe that through giving of yourself you will become more satisfied and more enlivened that ever before in your life. So, this is where “faking it” comes into play. Proceeding on blind faith, give anyway. Give without reservation of your time, your money, your love.  Give until you don’t have to think about giving but have simply become giving. Then you will have moved past faking it and genuinely arrived at the purpose of All Life. 
    Give as the Sun gives without thought, question or expectation.
    Then, perhaps the next time you’re in a store and see something you want to buy, you’ll take that walk around the block…think of someone or something in need…and find that you’d rather spend yourself in service than find yourself enslaved.  

Remember to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     The economic news has almost everybody talking about recession. Last month alone 80,000 people lost their jobs. Oil prices keep climbing with no end in sight. And the U.S. dollar continues to lose it’s value. What’s a person to do?
    I was pondering this very question today when two stories came to mind.
    One is about Alan Greenspan. As a youth, he was a musician who sought to make his livelihood playing in a band. Trouble was, the band had another member who was so good at the saxophone that Greenspan instinctively knew he’d never make it. Preempting the inevitable, he dropped out, went back to college, got his degree, and went on to advise four United States Presidents over a 20 year period as Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.
    The other story is about Lisa Scottaline. Lisa was a practicing criminal defense lawyer for a large law firm in Philadelphia, married, literally having just delivered her first child when her husband walked into the hospital room and told her he was leaving her for another woman. Lisa quit the firm to stay home with the baby, used up her savings, was $30,000 in credit card debt when she began writing fiction for lack of what to do at home. Today, Lisa is one of the best known and most successful authors of legal fiction in the U.S.
    So why did these stories come to mind contemplating what appears to be weak economic news?
    The answer is that whether it’s the economy, or not enough talent for a desired goal, or an uncaring husband…every life change is an opportunity and a gift if only you use it to be the best you can be. Sure, we all have set ideas about how things are going to work out. Sometimes, they do. Most often, they don’t. Most often, Life unfolds with unforeseen twists and turns that ask of us that we be flexible and creative but most importantly, trusting. The real issue, after all, is “Can you trust that within every occurrence, no matter how unfathomable on it’s surface, there exists within it the potential for the highest good for all concerned?”
    Yes. I said potential. 
    Nowhere is there a guarantee that the outcome will, in fact, be the highest good. That’s up to you and me. We get to decide how we’ll handle what comes our way. It’s called Free Will. Free will is nothing more than freedom of choice. Do you choose to wallow in the muck of what appears to be adversity or do you rise up and seize the moment to propel you and those around you to higher ground?
    Alan Greenspan could have spent his life playing second fiddle (no pun intended) to that other very talented young man in the band…who, as it turned out, was Stan Getz (for those of you old enough to remember a musical giant). Lisa Scottaline could have left her daughter with daycare and kept practicing law, remaining bitter towards men. And every one of the 80,000 people laid off last month has the same choice. They can wallow or rise up.
    I never write in a vacuum…or espouse anything I do not truly feel. I am in the middle of a divorce and, therefore, in need of increased income. But not for one moment do I ever think that it’s all bad luck and what, pray tell, will become of me.
    Deep down at the core of my Being is a knowing that I am in the middle of a miraculous opportunity that holds the potential for gaining wisdom and achievement beyond my imagination.
    I have neither the time nor the inclination to wallow.
    I’m too busy heading for higher ground.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     I received an interesting comment to Gold Post It today. It was from a man who had “bookmarked” my blog and had apparently been reading it daily. He said that he had done so because of my “pithy” style of writing. However, he was quite put off by a recent blog in which I made the observation that my soon-to-be-ex-husband doesn’t have a friend.
    The reader shared with me his opinion that of course, “everyone has a friend” so I must therefore be bitter. He further concluded that my bitterness is coloring my perception and causing me to be “out of touch.”  He informed me that he is removing the bookmark and plans never to read my blog again.
    Wow. I must have touched a nerve.
    However, as with every other topic that I write about, I will try and find the highest good for all concerned in this occurrence as well.
    First, his reaction.
    I think that whenever we feel the need to make someone or something either all “good” or all “bad”…well, apart from the separation we cause by “judging”…there’s the whole issue of denying that there’s anything at all to be gained or learned…even in the face of some aspects that may not be to our liking.
    I prefer to take the Zen approach that the Buddha could be your grandmother cooking chicken soup at the stove…so be aware because you never know where help, or wisdom, may come from.
    Obviously this reader has, until recently, enjoyed the way I see things, or at least the way I express myself in relating how I see things. So maybe my substance, or perhaps my style, caused him to think in a new way or in a way that enlivened him.
    But not any more.
    Simply because he read an observation of mine with which he disagrees he needs to make me “wrong”, “bitter” and “out of touch.” There is no room in his reality for others with whom he disagrees. Certainly his choice to make.
    I suspect it can get mighty lonely in there.
    As for my observation about my husband. I stand by it’s accuracy. I have 16 years of first-hand experience to back it up. But here’s the thing. I wasn’t judging him.
    The observation was made in the context of a blog about the priceless benefit of surrounding ourselves with friends whose values and behavior support the highest good in us. The observation about my husband was simply in stark contrast to the crux of the story which was about the my daughter’s much improved behavior as a result of having spent time with some pretty wonderful kids.
    So, I would like to thank the man who e-mailed me his comments for giving me this opportunity to find higher meaning in a personal attack.  Unfortunately, he’ll never get to experience my gratitude as I’ve been banished from his reality.
    I guess this is what is meant by the adage “be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water.”

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”