> Going through divorce is usually a private matter. I can attest to that as a former divorce lawyer. But when you write an inspirational blog, as I do, everything is “grist for the blog mill” so to speak. Having been in Court just days ago for a hearing in my divorce, I thought it important to share my insight with you.
First, a little background.
Much of what I have come to know, spiritually, is the result of a lifelong search to find an ever-deepening meaning to existence. Where I find myself at this point in my life along that quest is in the role of “silent witness” to all that happens to me and around me. As a silent witness, I participate in what happens while simultaneously “watching it” as well. Watching it means observing it without judgment, something a participant lacks the objectivity to do.
So it was that yesterday I found myself both participant in a heated exchange between my husband, myself, our respective lawyers and the Court as well as a silent observer. It was really a remarkable experience for I saw, in that one moment, the irony and paradox of relationships and what gets in the way of their success.
You see, my husband and I are getting divorced and we still love each other. The struggle for control that we are now engaged in is just a continuation of the struggle we were engaged during the marriage. The realization I had sitting in that Courtroom was that both the struggle and the love are necessary components of oneness…of unity. Where so many relationships go awry is seeing these components as separate. And it’s the perception of separateness that actually creates the separateness and estrangement that leads to divorce.
Anything that grows creates stress points that are the inevitable result of expansion. Relationships are no different. As they change, stress points are created that arise in the form of conflict.
The key to understanding and navigating the paradox of relationships is to know that both the struggle and the love are natural and necessary components of the same process and to also know that you cannot have one without the other. To not get so caught up in winning the battle or trying to control the outcome that you lose sight of the ever-present love. And, of course, to allow them both to flourish.
It may be too late for my husband and me but perhaps not for you.
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