Archive for the ‘Values’ Category

>   Going through divorce is usually a private matter. I can attest to that as a former divorce lawyer. But when you write an inspirational blog, as I do, everything is “grist for the blog mill” so to speak. Having been in Court just days ago for a hearing in my divorce, I thought it important to share my insight with you.
    First, a little background.
    Much of what I have come to know, spiritually, is the result of a lifelong search to find an ever-deepening meaning to existence. Where I find myself at this point in my life along that quest is in the role of “silent witness” to all that happens to me and around me. As a silent witness, I participate in what happens while simultaneously “watching it” as well. Watching it means observing it without judgment, something a participant lacks the objectivity to do.
    So it was that yesterday I found myself both participant in a heated exchange between my husband, myself, our respective lawyers and the Court as well as a silent observer. It was really a remarkable experience for I saw, in that one moment, the irony and paradox of relationships and what gets in the way of their success.
    You see, my husband and I are getting divorced and we still love each other. The struggle for control that we are now engaged in is just a continuation of the struggle we were engaged during the marriage. The realization I had sitting in that Courtroom was that both the struggle and the love are necessary components of oneness…of unity. Where so many relationships go awry is seeing these components as separate. And it’s the perception of separateness that actually creates the separateness and estrangement that leads to divorce.
    Anything that grows creates stress points that are the inevitable result of expansion.  Relationships are no different. As they change, stress points are created that arise in the form of conflict.
    The key to understanding and navigating the paradox of relationships is to know that both the struggle and the love are natural and necessary components of the same process and to also know that you cannot have one without the other. To not get so caught up in winning the battle or trying to control the outcome that you lose sight of the ever-present love. And, of course, to allow them both to flourish.
    It may be too late for my husband and me but perhaps not for you.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>   Six months, ago while driving in my car, I saw a cat in the middle of the road that had obviously been recently struck by a passing car. I made a U-turn, put my emergency flashers on, gently picked up the body, and walked to the nearest house to try and find its owner. The house I knocked on happened to be it’s home. It turned out that the cat had gotten out of the house without it’s owner’s realizing it. Sadly, it was dead.
    Yesterday CNN and other news agencies reported that a 78-year-old Hartford, Connecticut man was struck by two passing cars who were ‘chasing’ each other. Neither driver stopped. As the man lay critically injured in the street, a video camera memorialized passersby on foot and in their cars observing the man but making no effort to assist him…not even calling 911. They just looked and went on their way.
    I set forth both instances not because I want to praise my actions and condemn theirs, but rather to simply explain why I did what I did.
    In my reality, we are all connected. “All” means not only humans, but every living thing regardless of it’s position on the evolutionary chain. Believing this in my heart, as I do, I could no more fail to assist any living person or thing in need than I would fail to get myself assistance if I were injured.  There is simply no distinction between the two. In fact, it is the making of distinction that creates so much apathy and indifference in the world.
    What happened in Hartford, …the apathy, indifference and just plain callousness of the witnesses and bystanders…may have multiple origins. It may be as I have stated above, or it may be the result of so much excessive violence through various forms of media to which we are all exposed that has hardened our hearts, or it may have been fright that the man (who is Hispanic) is an illegal alien and no one wanted to create more trouble…or yet some other reason I have not thought of.
    Regardless of what the origin of the lack of action and the withholding of assistance, it is a troublesome warning light that went off in Hartford. It says more about us than perhaps we want to know. It says we lack compassion, are disconnected from our humanity, and have lost sight of how interconnected and interdependent in relation to one another we are. I say “we” because I am that man who was left to die and I am each of those people who failed to act, just as I was that cat.
    Perhaps that’s a perspective we could all benefit from.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>   I tend to think of the whole political landscape as a sort of hologram where what is actually going on at any given point in time depends on where you’re standing. Which is why in trying to write an inspirational blog I often stay away from the topic. But two political events in the past week offer such clear insight into the need for honesty that I can’t resist going there.
    First, there was Hillary Clinton’s decision to bypass campaigning in Michigan and Florida because those states had decided to move up their primary election day against the wishes of the Democratic National Committee. So while she bypassed campaigning in those states, she deliberately kept her name on the ballot in order to later demand the inclusion of those votes when she was trailing behind Barack Obama in accumulating delegate votes. Which is exactly what she has done.
    So Ms. Clinton was more about the appearance of truthfulness rather than truthfulness itself.
    But in order for her lack of ethics to not stand alone, Barack Obama provides us with another example of how “what I say only means what I say as long as I want it to and then it means something else.”
    In April, Mr. Obama said, in a much praised speech given at the Constitution Center in Philadelphia, that he could “no more abandon Reverend Wright than I could abandon the black community.” One month later, he has not only abandoned Reverend Wright, he has now also abandoned the entire Trinity Church of Christ at which he and his wife attended and prayed for the past 20 years.
    The hate speech and bigotry spewed from the pulpit of Trinity Church which was previously acceptable to Mr. Obama and his wife, and from which they refused to disavow themselves, is now suddenly unacceptable. It’s so unacceptable that they are walking away as fast and as completely as they can.
    So what’s true?
    I think only one thing is absolutely certain relative to both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and that is political expediency.  They will both say whatever they have to, and do whatever they must, to reach their goal. The end justifies the means.
    Now we cannot change how they choose to live their lives or shape their characters. But we are none-the-less left with two choices we must make.
    The first is whether or not to vote for someone who exemplifies blatant dishonesty. This is not an easy question to answer, especially if you don’t want to vote for John McCain. And I have no easy answer for this one.
    The second choice we have is more clear cut and under our control.
    If we are so offended by manipulation of the truth by others to achieve their desired goals, then we must be diligent in behaving otherwise in our own lives.  Although it isn’t always the office of the Presidency of the United States that is at stake, whatever the matter and whatever the stake, we must come from a place of truthfulness. It all begins with us.
    I believe we get the leaders we deserve. So, if we are not scrupulous in being honest in our own dealings, we cannot expect to see reflected in our leaders otherwise.
    Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama present us with a choice that is much more important to the future than who is the Democratic Presidential nominee in 2008.  They present us with the opportunity to turn within and elevate our own behavior and commitment to what is true and what is good and what is in the best interest of our highest selves.
    Let’s thank them both for such an obvious display of what not to choose.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

    On a flight to Florida this past week I was reading an excerpt from Barbara Walters autobiography Audition and came across the most glaring example of self-deception I’ve encountered in a long time. Reflecting on her shock and disappointment with Dick Wald, Chairman on NBC, who apparently failed to support her retention with the Today Show when ABC was bidding to woo her away, Ms. Walters stated the basis for her disappointment as follows:

    “Years before, we had snuck [sic] out of an NBC Christmas party on a clandestine romp to see Deep Throat, the much-talked-about porn film. I liked, trusted and respected him and I thought he liked, trusted and respected me.” [emphasis added]
  
    Apparently, on reflection, Ms. Walters believes a former clandestine meeting to watch porn a reliable basis for a lifelong relationship from which she could anticipate not only genuine friendship but also loyalty.
    Is it just me or is there something fatally flawed in her thinking?
    They left a Christmas party to watch porn. Now I’m a Jew so I could be mistaken, but isn’t Christmas the season people try and connect with their higher selves…with all that is good and decent in humankind?  And isn’t “Christmas porn” not only an oxymoron but a mockery of the inherent dignity of humankind? OK, forget humankind. How about a mockery of the inherent dignity of women? Of all that is divinely feminine?
    The issue of importance here goes well beyond Ms. Walters personal moral code. That is for her to define and for her to live.
    What’s to be learned from Ms. Walters shock and disappointment isn’t unique to her. We each have a tendency to bend the rules when they apply to us while using a higher, less flexible standard when applying them to someone else. I am certain that Ms Walters, if asked on her television show, The View, would decry the behavior of Elliot Spitzer or any other person of similar lapses in judgment and yet she cannot see her own.
    We each sometimes act as if there is no “boomerang” effect and we can, in fact, send out contaminated energy and somehow miraculously receive it back purified and cleansed. Further, we see in ourselves and others that which we wish to see rather than what is. And it’s from this idealized version that we expect right behavior when it’s needed. The reality is that we get what we get from who one chooses to be…not from whom we fantasize them to be.
    I am not saying that had Ms. Walters not ducked out of that Christmas party years prior to go watch a porn movie with her male acquaintance that he would have stepped up and been there for her years later in her time of need. What I am saying is that to be shocked that he had no moral core or that how they began their relationship was a foundation built upon an integrity of spirit to be relied upon is to delude only herself.
    The lesson is to always come from the highest good possible and to be honest about what that is. And if, in hindsight, we fall short in reviewing ourselves or others, to remember that hindsight is 20/20…not rose-colored.
    There are Universal Laws.
    Energy begets like energy and consequences follow actions.
    At these we should feign no surprise.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>I’m reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
 
It’s not the first time. I read it about once every decade as its a great barometer against which to measure where I am in the evolution of my own consciousness. Presently, I find myself pushed to nearly the breaking point by her merciless objectivism and dismissal of all things related to human emotion. I seem able to endure this aspect of her writing, however, because I am simultaneously nourished (it’s the only word I can think of to describe the fullness and satisfaction I feel) by the unwavering integrity of her male and female protagonists…Howard Roark and Dominique Francon.

These two characters also suffer from this emotional detachment that runs through all of Rand’s writings. But, what they may lack in emotion they more than make up for in their dedication, almost obsession, to what they perceive to be the highest good. It is their >certainty that is so compelling…not just for the way it impacts the tenor of the novel, but also the reader. Howard Roark and Dominique Francon don’t know what the word compromise means. On second thought, they have no such word in their vocabulary. Their every breath, thought and physical movement is in alignment with, and in support of, living a Life that refuses to be anything other than fully present and fully engaged in manifesting greatness
   
So here’s the irony of Rand.

She despises small, insincere people who espouse an allegiance to the highest good yet act in ways that pray at the altar of mediocrity. She admires people who refuse to participate in such fraud and, instead, are willing to face the inevitable aloneness and ostracism that follow from independence of thought. But while she mocks emotion in reverence to the rational mind, it is the passion and certainty of Roark and Francon that captivate Rand and makes them so appealing to me.

In the world of moral relativism in which we now live, it’s the passion, the certainty and the courageous aloneness, not  loneliness, of these characters that truly inspires.
   
Truth is different for each of us. But the power that drives one toward the pinnacle of one’s own truth is a certainty of the intention combined with a passion to pursue that intention regardless of the cost.

Ironically, this is what drives Islamic extremism as well and provides it it’s successes.  Such believers have both certainty and passion, in infinite measure, and it powers their mission, however misguided it may be. On the other hand, we in the West have certainty and passion about little other than maintaining our materialism and acquiring more…even when more is never enough.

And so in the end we get no more than that about which we are certain.

If we in the West would redirect our certainty and energy toward peace, or healing the Earth, or even one another…there would likely be many more Howard Roarks and Dominique Francons to be found beyond the pages of The Fountainhead and, I suspect, as would the joy of witnessing the harnessing of true power for the highest good of all concerned.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>Having “officiated” at so many divorces (I’m a former divorce lawyer) it’s easy to think you know it all, or at least have seen and heard it all, which should likely make you smarter than the average consumer.
    Not so as I recently found out.
    You see, I’m going through my own divorce and had to retain a lawyer. While it’s true that intellectually I could represent myself, emotionally it’s not a very bright thing to do. There are just too many emotions in play when it’s this close to home. Having created and marketed my own DVD for women going through divorce, I was certain that I knew what to look for. I had actually taught women how to hire a lawyer! While it’s true that it might have been easier had this all occurred in Pennsylvania where I used to practice, we had moved to New Jersey a few years ago and I really didn’t know much about local lawyers. So, in a sense, I was having to make my decision as would anyone seeking to hire a lawyer.
    I thought I chose wisely. Turns out, not so much.
    Within a very short period of time (less than two months) I knew with certainty that this person (and his associate) were not for me. Technically, I think they are not for anybody. They were egotistical, non-responsive, poor listeners and costly. I was continually stressed by not only the dissolution of my marriage and the divorce process, but by my lawyers as well.
    So I fired them and felt great…even before I had found another lawyer. Which is the point of this story.
    How I felt.
    I often write and speak about how our hearts are the real internal guidance system we are born with, not our brains. It’s our emotions that most accurately guide us when we are properly attuned and responsive to  their call. I hired those lawyers from my mind. I fired them from my heart.
    Here’s the irony and the paradox.
    When I was represented by this well known and well respected lawyer I was uncomfortable, in constant need of correcting his errors and generally feeling unsafe. When I fired him, I felt great. I actually felt as if a weight had been lifted off of me. So there I was, in the middle of a divorce,unrepresented and feeling great! My emotional Self was signaling me that I had done the right thing. Taken the right step. Intellectually and objectively I was suddenly, and seemingly, worse off. Emotionally and subjectively I was soaring to new heights.
    There are two teachings here.
    The first is that no matter how much information and knowledge you acquire through study and second-hand sources, it’s never the same as having the experience yourself.
    The second is that while a mind is a generous gift given us by Creator, the wisdom necessary to live Your Highest Good comes from the heart.
    Finally, because I wouldn’t want to leave you wondering about the outcome, let me tell you about my new lawyer.
    He met me on a Sunday night at his office because he knew I was in need of making a decision. He listened, he understood Who I Am with little explanation, he had his own stories of charitable representation  as I had in the days of my practicing law, and he is a man of his word.
    I go about my daily Life now attending to things of importance, virtually unconcerned and not distracted by the divorce and it’s potential drama because in my heart I know I’ve got the right lawyer.
    Literally…in my heart.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>If you’ve ever been aware of how the sky looks and the air feels just before and after a rain storm you’ll appreciate what I’m about to say.
    The news continues to be troublesome on it’s face. A perverse father who imprisons and rapes his own daughter, a political campaign that looks like it has no end in sight, continually escalating oil and food prices and rising unemployment, just to name a few. These are what we awaken to each day. It might just be enough to depress you.
    But wait a minute.
    Where else in Life, or Nature, can you find change that hasn’t been preceded and accompanied by, growing pains? Isn’t that what we’re experiencing? So many commentators and “doomsdayers” (or should I say “Armageddonites”) want to point to all the stressors and hold up the mirror of fear and destruction. Surely, they point out, with all the bad news (and as they see it prophetic events) The End is surely near.
    Not as I see it.
    What I see are the natural byproducts of transition. Growth pushes against restrictive boundaries and throws off waste. That’s how it happens. Further, I see not a transition for the worse but rather a transition for the highest good for all concerned.
    Why?
    Because the way we were living and the values we prized had ceased to serve our progress. We had become accustomed to stagnation and mediocrity in our lives. We had our values and priorities upside down. We were numbed by the technology and the media’s repetition of violent reporting and images to how much pain there is in the world. We had spiritually lost out way.
    Yesterday I received an e-mail from
a young man in upstate NY who is a trader on Wall Street who wrote that he was
depressed and unmotivated because he was “having his first bad year in
the stock market, ever. And it’s been raining here for 3 days.” Pain, as the Buddhist’s say, “isn’t meant to cause us suffering. It’s meant to wake us up.” And so all this “suffering” we’re experiencing is a gift to re-focus us on the Present, on what matters.
    I e-mailed the young man back and said that Life was trying to teach him something about worry and materialism. I suggested that perhaps he needed a “rinsing off” and that he should go out and run in the rain…to experience what was Present in his life.
    I have a lot more I could say on this topic but the sun just broke through the clouds and I’m going out for a walk.
    Perhaps first I need to get a little heated up.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”
    

>We, The People, owe a debt of gratitude to the Reverend Jeremiah Wright. He has, by example, unveiled an important Truth for us.
    For the past 20 years or so, Reverend Wright has held a position of prominence within his Church and within the African-American community in general. As a result of Barack Obama’s campaign for the Presidency, Reverend Wright began to take on yet greater prominence, culminating in his speech before the National Press Club in Washington, D.C. this week. The content and delivery of that speech brings to light a Truth so fundamental as not to be ignored.

          Ego is an addiction to the misuse of power.  
   
    Reverend Wright just couldn’t stop himself. As Obama’s spiritual mentor, he was given an opportunity by way of friendship and Fate to have the eyes and ears of America, perhaps the world, upon him. He had an opportunity to speak Truth to Power in a humble and poignant way. He failed miserably because Ego (and it’s operating principal that “more is never enough”) is an addiction to the relentless accumulation and exercise of power. In his failure to recognize the danger of the path he chose to pursue, Reverend Wright has been consumed in the burning fire of his own ego.
    Along with the felling of that tree, he may just have taken down the whole forest.
    Which may be a good thing.
    Barack Obama has finally “disavowed” himself from Reverend Wright and what the Reverend espouses. But Obama’s action, taken so late in the game, raises disturbing questions about the candidate’s veracity and judgment. Yesterday, as I watched various videos on-line of Obama’s efforts to distance himself from the spectacle and hatred spewed by Reverend Wright, I had an overriding impression that will not leave me.
    My impression was, and remains, that the candidate is in over his head.
    I am not ready to judge Barack Obama and find him a liar as some  now do. I am not prepared to conclude that he always knew who Reverend Wright was, condoned his hate speech, and turned a blind eye accordingly. That now, with so much at stake and Reverend Wright’s unrestrained behavior, Obama has no choice but to say “this is not the man I met 20 years ago.” I don’t think Obama is malevolent.
    What I observed is that Barack Obama seemed genuinely shocked and confused by his mentor’s behavior. He had the look and demeanor of one who is betrayed by his best friend. Obama could not look the camera, or the American public, in the eye as he severed that 20 year relationship before the world.
    I don’t think Barack Obama is a liar. I think he has a good heart, I think he is naive. I think he does not know himself all that well and, as a result, does not assess others all that well either.
    Because I think character assessment and good judgment are mandatory qualities and necessary qualifications for the Presidency, I think he is not ready to be President of the United States.
    We owe Reverend Wright a debt of gratitude for his gift. Let’s not devalue what he has given us by ignoring it.

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “TOO MANY SECRETS.”

    

>A 73-year-old father in Austria imprisoned and held hostage his 18- year-old-daughter in the basement of his home for 24 years repeatedly raping her and fathering at least 7 children with her, many of whom were born in captivity and never saw the light of day until freed by authorities this week.
    Sometimes it’s harder than other times to find the positive message in a story.
    It really challenges the rational mind and the loving heart to make any sense of this barbarous and heinous act. I am certain lawyers and psychologists will plead insanity or incapacity or some “Twinkie-like” defense (I’m a former practicing lawyer) but the woman and mother in me can find no justification sufficient to relieve this man of the burden of responsibility for his choices. Twenty-four years is a long, long time. Both the extent and complexity of his ongoing scheme necessitated repeated intent and knowing, willful behavior. Whether Austrian law will dictate the death penalty or his remaining years imprisoned without parole, one or the other is the rightful outcome.
    But can we take anything away from this nightmare that can be of service to us? I think so.
    It’s a reminder about the value of human life and, particularly, the value of and dignity due the lives of women. In too many cultures, ours included, we still send messages both overtly and covertly that it’s OK to objectify women, to think of them as property. And while we’ve come a long way, we’ve a long way to go.
    Recently separated, I had my own two experiences of late. The first was at a restaurant/bar where, after accepting a dance with a man, he proceeded to “steer” me off the dance floor by repeatedly touching me…as if I could not get to where I was headed without his assistance. I don’t really think that was his intent. I think he was claiming some level of ownership in relation to the other men around. He was saying, “This is mine so I can touch it.” The second happened days later when I met my estranged husband in a public place to discuss the terms of our separation. As we were entering the Barnes and Noble book store, he slapped me on the rear end and said, “Well, you won’t be on waiver long.” And while he was, in his own mind, “complimenting” me for how I looked, he was also assuming he had the right to touch me without my consent.
    I can take care of myself and let both men know they were over the line. But here’s the point.
    When you live in a society that markets sex and objectifies women in the media while still turning a somewhat blind eye to sexual harassment in the workplace, there is the tacit sanctioning of devaluing an entire gender. Once this happens, it becomes a slippery slope.
    I’m not saying that the average man is capable of the despicable acts performed by this sick “father” in Austria. Nor am I absolving women of our responsibility of knowing when a line is crossed and the need to speak out arises.
    What I am saying, however, is that the bar needs to be set very high when it comes to honoring human dignity, regardless of gender, and the burden is on each of us to lend our strength to seeing that the bar never falters.

REMEMBER to click hereto download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”

>     There are no accidents.
    Sunday was the first day of Passover, the Jewish Holy Day celebrating the Exodus from Egypt. It was also the day Pope Benedict XVI choose to hold a papal mass at Yankee stadium and visit the site of the World Trade Center destruction.
    I think the coinciding of those two events deserves a closer look.
    The “Haggadah”, the annual retelling of the story of the release of the Jewish people from servitude to Pharaoh, holds an important message…albeit not the one usually recalled. It’s really a story about the seductive ease with which we humans relinquish our sovereignty in exchange for some material comfort and the “luxury” of not thinking for ourselves. It’s about the price we pay in handing over our God-given freedom of choice to people with apparent power. It’s about the courage of a few, in the face of the many, to be absolutely steadfast about what is the highest good for all concerned.
    The interesting aspect of the Haggadah is that it instructs us to recount it each year on the first night of Passover in the present tense…not as an historical recollection…but as an experience we are having in present time. Why?
    Because we humans are so susceptible to forgetting and backsliding that even when we “get it”…we’re likely to “for-get it” almost as quickly. The vulnerabilities and challenges of the ancient Hebrews were no different than our own. And just as they forgot where they were headed, and why, as soon as Moses was a little late in returning, so too we forget the “what” and “why” of our own journeys when our anticipated outcomes are delayed.
    So what’s this all got to do with the Pope and pain?
    The First Seder was the Last Supper. Our faiths are inextricably bound by common origin and shared heritage. The message of Jesus I find of utmost impkrtance is his refusal to bend his own values and truth to the will of those with apparent power. He chose to die rather than to be enslaved.
    The realities that clashed and imploded on September 11, 2001 were each stunning examples of the destruction that can be wrought by those with apparent power. On the one hand there were the energies of the Islamists, the radical Muslim fundamentalists who seek to enslave the world through terror and dogma. On the other hand were the energies of Western materialism, which seek to enslave through egocentric values and the worship of materialism. The collision of all that misdirected energy resulted in massive pain and suffering.
    Pain is the result of being “off course.” Whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual…pain’s purpose exists to wake us up to the reality that something we are doing, or a way in which we are being, is out of balance with the highest good. The pain occurs to bring us present in order that we may correct our own course.
    There it is. The Passover, the Pope, the pain, and the purpose.
    Let us take all the suffering, the falling economy, the political instability, the uncertainty, and the doubt that is swirling around the planet and begin to correct our own course. We need not compromise our higher selves for a little shelter and some more “stuff.” We need no leaders with apparent power to tell us what, in our hearts, we know to be true.
    When you fail to exercise your own power, there is always someone waiting to enslave you to the exercise of their own. True power is your birthright. It comes from within. It’s exhibited and made manifest through living your own truth. It cannot be purchased but it can be given away in a heartbeat.
    Value your most prized possession for what it is and let your pain guide you to your purpose.   

REMEMBER to click here to download my FREE e-book, “Too Many Secrets.”