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>    I was reading an article about the effects of violent video games on children.  It theorized that while the games in and of themselves will not cause a child to act like the boys at Columbine or the Virginia Tech shooter, the games plus the presence of other risk factors will have an impact that will likely move a person towards heightened violence.    
   Admittedly, we live in a violent world. But so did Cain and Abel. 
   The negative effects of wanting what you do not have or being unable to wait to get what you want have been around for as long as we humans have.  And while it has many faces, and we propose as many possible origins, I think it all comes down to two simple principles: accepting your life as it is and allowing others to be who they choose to be. 
   Whether it’s the burglar breaking into a home to steal valuables, or the ex-husband who decides if he can’t have his wife he’ll kill her, or the mother who can’t take all the responsibility of caring for the children she birthed so she abandons them, or the teenager who wants his name in the paper so he massacres several students, or the person who steals simply because they want something and can’t afford to buy it, or the Muslim extremists who decide that everyone should live by Sharia law..it all comes down to acts born of the refusal to accept one’s life as it is and refusing to allow others to live their lives as they choose.
   We spend a lot of political capital on the federal, state and local level arguing and lobbying for better schools, “no child left behind” issues that relate to making sure all children have the fundamentals of education as we’ve defined them thus far.
   But what if our definition is in need of revision?  I’m not saying that reading and writing and ‘rithmatic…or quantum physics… aren’t valuable and necessary.  But maybe it’s time we re-evaluated what really matters in education. 
   Maybe it’s time we taught the children Acceptance and Allowing.    
   Acceptance 101 would teach the kids that your portion in life is your portion in life. Accept it with gratitude, whatever it looks like at the moment. If you want to change it, put your thoughts and energy into those things that will make a positive difference. 
   Allowing 101 would teach them to see everyone else as a mirror image of yourself and understand that others are also working on accepting their lives as they are so do not judge them for their progress or envy them their accomplishments and acquisitions.
   Our daughter is heading for high school in the Fall and we sat with her as she selected her courses. While I am pleased with her choices (she’s bright and creative as well so it’s a nice blend of academics and the arts) I would still loved to have been able to say, “Honey, why don’t you take “Acceptance 101” and “Allowing 101.”
   I’ll bet in hindsight, Adam and Eve would have loved to have been able to recommended those courses to their children, too. If they could have, just maybe I wouldn’t have had to write a column about violence.
   

>   Last night I was looking at the news stories to get an idea on what to write about today. I was reading about the crowd in Austin, Texas that dragged a passenger from his car and beat him to death because the car had hit a child causing minor injuries. Then, of course, there was the daily violence in Iraq, and now Gaza. So, I thought I’d write about, if not the origins of violence, then what we can do about it.
   Then I got depressed and didn’t feel like writing at all. Now, it’s morning, and I awoke still depressed and still not much moved to write. 
   So, it seems, the topic is depression.
   We all have those days when we feel that the world is glorious, sunny, and anything is possible. And we all have those days when everything seems to close in, the sun can’t be found anywhere, and getting out of bed seems mildly possible. Yippee for the former. 
   As for the latter…Why?
   As I look back over the past few days, I can see that I was very caught up in the “do-ing” of my life as opposed to the “be-ing” in my life. For me, getting detached and too far from the “be-ing” part, the part where I am fully living in the moment and immersed in the wonder of it all, seems to cause me to drift farther and farther away from my own center. Since it’s from that center that I bring forth the great experiences of my life, drifting too far is dangerous and emotionally deadening. 
   When I am centered, it’s as if I can feel the pace of life, sense it’s purpose, and find joy in the smallest act. It’s also the place from which I am my most creative. Since it’s creativity that enlivens me, drifting far from center also means falling deeper and deeper into a place where there is little possibility of creating anything.  It’s a place of no movement, no change.
   We humans are not static beings and we do not reside on a static planet. Earth is in a constant state of change and becoming. So are our physical bodies. It’s of the utmost importance that our consciousness also be in that state of becoming, of change. For consciousness, that state occurs when we create and co-create. That’s when it’s possible to sense, if not know, that each of us has unique abilities and talents that we were born to utilize and contribute to the ongoing unfoldment of the whole for the highest good of all concerned.
   So, today, no matter how many “things” are on your to-do list, take a break.  Take an hour or take the day and just “be.”  
   Settle into that place within yourself where you are not what you do but are simply who you really are.  Allow your muse, your inner guide to creativity, to speak to you. That conversation can be recognized by how you feel.  Trust what you feel and allow those feelings to guide you to create something only you were born to create. And if all that you achieve is an hour or a day of “be-ing” instead of “do-ing”…I can assure you that you’ll find “be-ing” is it’s own reward.
   Maybe I did write about violence after all.  A world filled with people who are so disconnected from all things natural, who function and work at a lightening pace in order to keep up with the pace of the technology, who barely have time to accomplish what they need to do each day, let alone have time to share friendships and intimacy…now there’s a recipe for disaster. 
   Stop doing. Pause. Start up again. Be.  
   Now there’s a recipe for joy.

   P.S. I’m not depressed anymore.

>  It’s my intention to write to my blog each week on a regular basis Monday through Friday, but yesterday I didn’t. Yesterday, our 14 year old daughter graduated from Middle School.  Despite my efforts to rise before dawn and get my blog written, it just didn’t happen. I had so much to do that I made the decision to get on with all that needed to be done for her and skip the entry.
   As a result of how yesterday played out, today I’m thinking about how we get done all the things that we need to do in this fast paced world in which we live. 
   The answer I call “priority plus.”
   Somewhere along the line it’s necessary to decide what is of importance to you because it’s likely that, more times than not, you simply can’t get to everything that needs your attention. So where to start?
   I think you start with the people who need your attention. Like I did, yesterday. 
   Sure, I get a kick out of writing my blog each day. The creativity is a vital part of who I am. I know there are people who click on it each morning and look for that bit of inspiration I try and provide.  But when it comes down to what I like to do, or even what I need to do relative to my career, it pales in comparison to what our daughter needed from me on her special day. 
   So the people in our lives have to be the first rung on that ladder of priority. The “things”…the “to do’s”…the tasks…have to come second.
   But there’s more. It’s not enough to decide who or what needs to be done and give it your time and energy. You also have to give it your attention.  By this, I mean that once the decision is made as to what is important to you, you have to put the full weight of your consciousness to bear on it.  Going through the motions, without your heart and mind being fully engaged, becomes a giant waste of your time and energy. You have to feel passionate, be passionate, about where you devote who it is that you really are. 
      A passionate commitment to whatever it is that you do is the engine that drives the bus.  Without a commitment of both thought(intention) and action, your doing remains nothing more than tending to tasks and obligations. But…add spirit, intention, consciousness, passion, emotion (whatever you call it) and suddenly you are fully enlivened and engaged with others in co-creating a powerful and meaningful experience.
      Who You Really Are is reflected in the choices you make. The choices you make show others how important people and things are to you. Making choices that honor yourself and others by bringing to those choices heart, mind and soul is an invigorating way to live.
      We had a great family day together yesterday. Everything we did was full of joy.
      And today?
      I really love writing this entry. 
      
 

   It is often said that rape is not about sex, it’s about power. So is lying. Ex-District Attorney Mike Nyfong is a perfect example. No matter how many different words and phrases are used to describe what Nyfong did (misrepresentation, violation on the Canon of Ethics, manipulation of the facts, withholding of the facts, deceit) the simple truth is that he lied, repeatedly, to get what he wanted. 
   People lie to get the outcome they want.
   But why? And why do I say that lying is about power?
   When someone lies, they are consciously attempting to orchestrate or manipulate either another person or effect a specific outcome. Sometimes it’s both. In either case, the lie is used to feel powerful. It gives the person lying a false sense of power over others and outcomes.
   I say false sense of power because true power exists only in trusting that people co-create the highest good for all concerned
when they allow one another, and their interactions, to unfold spontaneously. Co-creation, like Creation, originates and proceeds in a natural flow. 
   When someone lies they lack faith in that flow. 
   Not trusting in real power, they attempt to create power with a small “p”.  For we humans, real power is found in the act of co-creation. Co-creation is done in and through our relationships and interactions with one another.  
   The person who needs to lie in order to feel powerful misses out on the one sure way to get it: by allowing the mystery of self and others to unfold, and, by trusting that the outcome will be for the highest good of all concerned.
   When it comes right down to it, a liar lacks faith and trust in self and others, but more importantly doesn’t understand what true power is all about.
   I always thought lying was exhausting. It’s hard work to remember all those made up, twisted facts. Besides, it’s inevitable that the lie is unmasked. And so the liar.
   Mike Nyfong sought power with a small “p” and it has cost him much. He hurt others and ultimately hurt himself. Having been disbarred, and as a result lost his means of earning a livelihood, he will have much time on his hands. 
   Perhaps he will use it to contemplate power with a capital “P”.

>     Everything runs in cycles. There are our biological body cycles, called circadian rhythms, the cycle of global weather patterns, even the cycle of life and death. There is also the cycle of violence. It seems that one has come around again. Gaza is on fire.  
   Like all cycles, the cycle of violence comes and goes…meaning it periodically escalates then de-escalates. And like fire, we can fan it or starve it of the vital elements it needs to maintain it’s destructive force.  The media loves to fan fires. So they are at it again.
   I am not saying that what’s happening in Gaza isn’t important. I’m a Jew and as such, care deeply about Israel and the safety of its inhabitants. I am also a human, and care deeply about the fate of us all. 
   What I know for sure is that feeding hate and giving it attention is no different than fanning the flame. It gives the destructive force power. It feeds the beast.
   History teaches many lessons so we get to pick the one’s we want to learn from.  While I hear many commentators likening Iran and Ahmadinejad and Hamas to Hitler and his intended move across Europe in a quest for extinction of some and domination over others, I prefer to look back and see that in at least 5000 years, aggression and violence haven’t solved anything. While they may produce a temporary cessation of conflict in one part of the world, because we’re all one, sooner or later the lessons taught by using force in one place surface elsewhere to be applied by someone else. And so on and so on. For 5000 years.
   Because we can pick and choose our lessons from history, and have the freedom of choice to participate in co-creating our own, I think we’d be best served to try a different approach.  
   I have an example of one I’d like to suggest.  
   My husband and I are very different. Not just in personality, but in our social and religious backgrounds. We also love one another. Periodically, those differences cause us to have a few recurring arguments over the same topics. We each have a tendency to dig in and become more rooted in our position until it escalates through anger all the way to cold silence. We eventually get past it and move on, although they’re not so much resolutions as capitulations to emotional exhaustion.
   This week one such difference raised it ugly head again.  Our “cycle” began, and as I watched it…it occurred to me that a new approach was necessary as history finally taught me that “digging in” or imposing my view was not a long-term solution.  So instead of focusing on our differences, I decided to see what was the strongest point we had in common. It took me about 15 seconds to find the answer. Harmony. I knew we both wanted harmony in our lives. 
   When my husband came home from work yesterday, I said I wanted to talk. I am certain he was readying himself in a defensive posture. I simply said, with conviction, “I am your best friend and you are mine. More than anything, I want harmony.”
   That was it. Pure and simple. No aggression. No argument. No defense. Nobody going on and on solidifying their stance. He just put out his arms to embrace me. 
   Our differences didn’t disappear. In fact, it’s the diversity of us that makes us unique. But what did occur was that we found common ground…higher ground…from which the view was more beautiful and the air was cleaner.
   It may not be that simple in Gaza or Iran. Or it may be. 
   It has to start with individuals, one on one. They have to understand that we are all one. And they have to set their intention’s and their vision on the highest good they share and communicate that to one another. It will likely be the same in any language. 
   Shalom or Salaam. 
   The answer is peace.

>I read on CNN that yesterday, while playing a round of golf, a 73-year-old woman jumped into a lake on the course and successfully saved a drowning dog. It seems not all dogs can swim.    
   I think there are two important lessons in that event.
   First, we all make assumptions based upon stereotypes, culture, or our own pre-conceived biases.  Here are two: 1) old women are old, and as such, simply don’t do certain things…like jump into lakes with their clothes on to rescue anything; 2) all dogs can “doggy-paddle”(which we take to mean “swim”). So much for relying on assumptions. 
   But what is the real harm in thinking that way?  Well, when it comes to others, we tend to attribute thought and motive to them that may or may not be true and then we act or re-act based upon those assumptions, thereby setting into motion a whole series of events that may or may not be in the interest of all concerned.  
   When it comes to ourselves, assumptions about our capacity to process new information or respond to new challenges can be limiting  In reality, both our capacity to process and our ability to create are unlimited.  
   Take the woman who singlehandedly lifts an automobile off of her child trapped underneath it.  In her rational mind, given her own and society’s routine beliefs and biases, she would never think she had the strength or ability to perform such an act. But outside of those assumptions (and limiting beliefs) she simply does what she sets her will to do.
   The second lesson is that everything that is put in our way in life is an opportunity. I recall when one of many bystanders who witnessed the crash of a commuter airplane in the Potomac River many years ago  jumped into winter’s frigid waters to save a drowning woman even though he himself could not swim. Everyone watching the crash survivors from the nearby bridge had the same opportunity, but only one man seized it. I am certain his daring and success forever changed many lives. I know that image remains with me so many years later.
   Of course, it’s not always that dramatic. Sometimes the opportunities are more subtle. Like the homeless person whose path crosses yours and how you respond. Or a new day’s opportunity to relate and interact a little better with your child.
   The point is that everyone and everything that crosses your path today is there for a reason. The reason is your opportunity to push past self-and-other-imposed limitations and by so doing, create a new and uplifting story.
   Daring and creativity are their own reward. But try telling that to the 73-year-old who saved the dog, dried herself off and went on to play the best 18 holes of anyone in her set.
   She and the dog had a great day!    

>    Co-operation is a lot like co-creation.  It takes the combined efforts of two people to blend and successfully manifest a harmonious outcome.  I am reminded of the Buddhist parable where the monk retires to a cave and meditates for 20 years to gain supreme Enlightenment.  Finally, achieving his goal and complete inner peace, he descends from the mountain.  Arriving at the local market place teeming with people, he proceeds to get into an argument with the first person he meets.       
    Inner peace and Enlightenment, it seems, are much easier in a vacuum.
    It’s the rest of the people on the planet who make it all so difficult. Or are all those other people here precisely to challenge our beliefs and require us to live them as well? 
    I suspect that if we were not meant to learn co-operation and co-creation…each of us would have had our own planet.  The mere presence of everyone else must mean something. I suspect that what it means depends upon what we do with it.  If we see everyone else as separate from us and, basically, an intrusion upon our plans and our reality, then the meaning we give to their existence is one of annoyance and distraction.
    If, however, we see them as part of an overall Creation in which we jointly co-operate and co-create new outcomes, then the meaning we give to their existence is one of gratitude and support.
     I am many things, none of which is delusional.  It’s one thing to know all of this in theory. It’s even one thing to believe it deeply.  It’s quite another to put that belief into action, especially where and when our interests and goals differ.
    Perhaps the best way to approach those differing interests and goals is to remember that each of us has patterns of thought and behavior that, like muscle, solidify and become stronger with use and over time. Its takes both effort and time to modify or adapt these patterns
     Simply put, it’s called patience.  We must have patience with ourselves and others as we try and change patterns to better serve ourselves and others.
    I had been listening to some very profound, spiritual tapes this past week and reading a great book on healing through thought. As a result of both, I was feeling very peaceful and grateful for all the spiritual guidance.
    This morning my 14 year old daughter behaved in a way she would like to change, but has not yet been able to master. I responded in a way that I would like to change, but have not yet been able to master. My husband reacted to both of us in a way he is working on changing but has not yet been able to master.
    I felt like the monk in the marketplace and wanted to go back into the cave.
    Instead, I’ll just be patient.

>In 2001, when President Bush first met Russian President Vladimir Putin, he was quoted as saying, “I was able to get a sense of his [Putin’s] soul…” thereby determining that Putin was a “good” man. Since then their relationship has taken many turns, not all in the direction “good” men might proceed. Most recently, the two have been posturing and exchanging less than friendly and certainly not “soulful” remarks.
    This wouldn’t be the first time world leaders, whom we once deemed good men and allies, turned out to be something other…although it might have been the first time our judgment was openly and simplistically based upon a reading of one’s soul.
    This turn of events between Bush and Putin brings to light a quality we all share in our more mundane, daily lives and one which could benefit from some introspection. It’s our tendency to judge others and thereby make them “good” or “bad” when, in reality, at any given moment we are all just doing the best we can based upon the state of our consciousness and our beliefs.
    I know that I have spent a lifetime trying to overcome my tendency to judge everyone and everything. All judgment ever got me was separation and distance. It took me the greater part of 50 years to realize that judging sets ups barriers to connection, harmony and intimacy.  Since we as human creatures have an intrinsic need for all three, it couldn’t be more counterproductive than to judge (and thereby distance) the very people with whom we’re hoping to connect.
   We
do it in our political dialog where Republicans and Democrats
judge each other and fortify an “us” against “them” mentality. We do it in the name of G-d and if the consequences weren’t so disastrous, it would actually be funny. Imagine, in the name of the One Creator, the single Source of all that is, we divide (and too often conquer) claiming as the basis for our actions that “our way” is the better way.  And it really doesn’t matter whether it’s the Crusades or the Taliban. In the end its the same capitulation to judgment with the same unproductive result.
    So what can we do? More specifically, what can you do?
    In mystical Judaism there’s a belief that when you arise each day and set out on your way, there is an angel who goes before you proclaiming “Behold, the image and likeness of G-d.”  Beautiful, isn’t it?  Well, that’s half of the belief. The other half is that proceeding in front of every other human being is also their angel, proclaiming “Behold, the image and likeness of G-d.” 
    Perhaps today you could suspend judgment and simply see and hear your own angel, and everyone else’s as well.  It might also be helpful to remember that you’re doing the best you can, based upon where your consciousness is and what you believe. And so is everyone else.
    If President Bush had simply seen the image and likeness of G-d in Vladimir Putin, he might not have had to spend the next 6 years changing his mind about him.

> At any point in our lives, most of us are trying to modify or change something about how we behave or how we live.  It can be anything from weight loss to a career move.  While there are self-help books and support groups aplenty to help us through the difficulties associated with change, I’ve found a simpler and more self-reliant approach.
   Patterns are the key to how you behave and how you live your life. The ability to adapt or change requires that you first identify the pattern.  Once you know your pattern, then you can decide what steps you can take to interrupt or modify it, leading eventually to a new and hopefully more productive one. 
   Theory is great intellectual stuff and talk is easy. So I’m going to give you a personal example. 
   My whole life I’ve battled a tendency to get angry quickly.  I get angry when things go “wrong”… which usually means when they don’t go the way I want them to.  I have finally realized that the first step in heading off my angry response is to realize that 1) the other person’s response is not personally directed to frustrate me or my intended goal and 2) my perception of what is a “good” or “right” outcome is so limited as to be incalculable. 
    There are many possible outcomes to any situation, each holding the potential for it’s own unique growth experience.  I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve looked back at a situation and been amazed at the outcome…never having remotely seen the possibility for what actually occurred.  It’s through hindsight that we come to gain the perspective, and experience the wisdom, of events and outcomes that were hidden from us as they unfolded.

   So, I’ve developed a 3-step, self-directed approach to interrupting an angry response.

        Step 1.   Try and engage your mind at the first sign of anger..even though your emotions would rather engage without it.   Admittedly, this takes a little practice.  Re-acting is often like putting yourself on “auto pilot.”  This means you’re limited to the choices you originally programmed into the “auto pilot program.”  Most of us developed an anger response early in our lives to cover some type of pain, physical or emotional.  It’s likely that way back then you were either unable or unprepared to protect yourself from the source of your discomfort.  So forever after, when re-experiencing “incoming pain” you try and head it off with an aggressive, or angry, offensive action. 
       Recognizing this unproductive pattern, it’s possible to be aware of when your frustration or fear level is rising and intervene or intercept a purely emotional, and likely explosive, response.  What you can now do in these moments is re-focus outside of yourself.  Instead of defending against mis-perceived incoming hurt, become pro-active and redirect your thoughts toward the object or cause of your frustration.  Ask yourself, “What can I do for the other, or the situation, that will alleviate the difficulty?”  By becoming outwardly focused, rather than inwardly defensive, you engage your mind and thereby interrupt and harness the power of your emotions.

       Step 2.   Trust that a power, or pattern, greater than you has a
handle on what is happening and that the presence of that power’s
involvement, or inherent wisdom of that pattern, will produce an outcome
that is for the highest good of all concerned.  While you hold this
belief, you are free to release trying to control the outcome. It’s in
our failed attempts to control outcomes that we become angry.  With
trust, you can release the outcome altogether.

       Step 3.  This step is an art and also takes practice.  It’s the art of awareness.  Once you’re able to trust in the outcome and let go of your need to act defensively, you can really be open to, and aware of, what’s going on.  You can hear with clarity both what’s being said and what remains unsaid. You become aware of words and actions that, when combined, present a more accurate picture of what is occurring or what someone else is trying to communicate.  And while you’re being aware of the other, remember to also be aware of yourself as well.   Be aware of what you are hearing or seeing that may be triggering re-active or defensive issues within you.   Awareness buys you the time to be pro-active that being on auto pilot denies you.  

    So now, with my 3-step program, I never get angry anymore.  Right?  That’s what people say who write self-help books, isn’t it? They put forth their “new” program and tell you it’s the cure to what ails you when in fact, the cure to what ails you is you.  It’s being able to be honest with yourself, taking a good look at what’s been going on...the pattern…and making a commitment to re-organizing through changed behavior and co-create a new pattern that serves your intention better.
    I’m still just practicing my 3 Step program.  But practice makes perfect…or at least better.  I practiced law for 13 years and while I never got perfect, I did get better.
    I think I’ll give myself at least that much time to change a life-long pattern without getting angry at myself for not being able to rush the outcome.
    Wow! It’s working already.

‘

>It’s challenging to write a blog entry every day.  It means you have to either have strong thoughts and feelings about something going on in the world that day or you have to have an original idea to share.  In fact, some days I just wake up, sit down to write, and nothing!  Nothing new grabbing my attention or stirring my emotions in the news…and nothing new popping into my head, either. What’s a writer to do?  Today is like that.  So, as I sat here wondering what I could write about, I started to think about nothing.  Actually, I’m thinking about “no-thing” which isn’t quite the same thing.
    No-thing is that place scientists and spiritualists refer to when they talk about pure potential.  It’s the space between words…the gap between your incoming and outgoing breaths… the void that existed just before the Universe was created.  It’s the empty moment, so to speak, when all things are possible.
    We live in a culture that honors and reveres…worships, actually….things.  Money, cars, houses, fame.  All of these things are the measure of success and symbols of attainment within our society.  But if more things are the measure of success, and success should bring satisfaction, then how come we are, generally speaking, stressed out and unsatisfied?
    Perhaps the answer lies in no-thingness.
    What if the true measure of success is being able to reside in that place of pure potential, that place of no-thingness, from where something sacred is always about to happen.  A place from which some personal, creative act that enlivens you and at the same time enriches the world in which you live can be birthed.  A place perpetually alive with possibilities.
    We are so driven by materialism to do more and acquire more that we are in perpetual states of doing and acquiring.  These are not peaceful states of being.  In fact, they are not states of being at all.  They are states of doing.  Virtually no one and nothing in our day encourages us to cease all of the activity and just rest in that place of pure potential where, truly, miracles originate.
    I know the moments I feel most alive and most engaged with life are not when I have acquired a new “thing” but rather when I can sense the possibility of a new awareness.
    Or find myself having written a new blog entry from nothing.