Archive for the ‘Healing’ Category

It’s never easy to look for and find a “higher purpose” in tragic events.  Sometimes, in fact, doing so appears almost heartless.  So I am well aware of the dangers in what I am about to say.

The events in Japan are akin to a global 911 of natural origin.  I think they hold the potential for rebirth, healing and unity for much of the world.  However, before I go there, let me say that I’ve been broken hearted over the loss of life and suffering being experienced by the Japanese people.  I have been praying for them daily since the earthquake and tsunami struck.

Now, to what I mean by a “global 911.”  On September 11^th, tragedy struck on an unprecedented scale, lives were lost, and commerce interrupted.  The reaction, although admittedly brief, was Oneness.  Not only did all of this nation’s citizens pull together to help respond to every conceivable need, but so did many individuals and nations from around the world. There was a temporary understanding by humanity’s Consciousness that we are all in deed connected and, therefore, united we stand.

There’s no terrorist behind what is occurring in Japan.  It’s Earth and Nature in service to restoring balance to a world that has veered far off course and that is very out of balance.  Again, I am sensitive to how callous this may sound but in order for caterpillar to be transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillar must relinquish its physical form.

Something similar is happening in Japan.  Believe that I value all life forms and see not one human Being as expendable.  But as painful and tragic as this catastrophe and loss of life is, its form that’s being altered.  There is no corresponding destruction of Spirit.

We are all connected. We have been disrespectful of one another and the Earth.  We have been insensitive, greedy and lacking in compassion.  We have ignored our Oneness.  We have  created the imbalance.

Nature is infinitely more powerful and resourceful than we.  No amount of manmade protection or planning will outstay It’s staying power.  This is what we are witnessing in Japan.

We can awaken NOW and do what we did not do after 911.  We can lay down our differences  and our indifference to honor how connected we are to each other and the Earth that sustains us.  We can know and act in accordance with that knowing that this is the moment of “united we stand or divided we fall.”

In compassion… we can weep for those suffering and those lost.

In wisdom… we can know that every thought, word and deed matters.

In Our knowing, we can act as One.

 

I seem to hear a repeated theme lately that’s troubling lots of people. It revolves around feeling that events seem somewhat out of our control.  Now, while I can’t say that things have ever really been in our control… it is true that life in the first decade of the new millennium has been chaotic, requiring lots of energy just to stay “afloat” through it all.

Embarking upon the second decade, I see no signs that things will vastly improve in the “In Control Department.”

So, what’s a person to do?

Well, might I suggest surrender?  No, not as in a feeling of hopelessness.  To the contrary… with a joyful feeling of hope-full-ness.

Why? Because it’s in surrendering to the flow of Life that one is able to catch the wave… so to speak.  We are definitely dealing with a wave Here and Now.  So, you have two options.  Resist it or catch it.  To think you can control it is a waste of time and energy.

I know.  I used to think I could control waves.  I was always trying to manage the situation… direct the players… determine the outcome. It’s exhausting continuously bailing that water!  Not to mention futile.

Trial and error have taught me that when things around me are either temporarily inexplicable or seeming out of my control… let them be that way.  It’s best to go within… quiet my mind… and release events to their own unfolding.  What happens next is that when I “reemerge” from my inward focus, voila!  The sun is shining.  Things have taken a turn for the better.  Everyone’s better, actually.

So whether it’s personal, professional or global, give it a rest.  Float on your back for awhile.  Enjoy the ride and the scenery.

You’ll be surprised how refreshed you… and all of it… will seem upon your return.

Jewish or Christian, it’s the season of miracles.  Since I had one this week I thought I‘d share it.  It begins with back pain.

I’m a swimmer.  I love to do laps.  I swim outside in the summer months and in the winter I join a health club with an indoor pool.  My love of the sport is new since, until about 15 years ago, I was uncomfortable in the water and couldn’t really swim.  Having surmounted my fears, I taught myself to swim and have been dedicated ever since.

However, within the last 6 months, I have been having severe upper back pain and so when the pool closed in September I decided it was too painful to swim.  I didn’t join the club.  Recently, I’ve seen several doctors who have ordered x-rays, ultrasounds, thermography and an MRI… all in an effort to diagnose the pain… which happens to be in the area of my rotator cuff and under the scapula as well.

Last week, a friend of mine who didn’t know of the pain, suggested I join the health club as I have for the past couple of years since it was her thought that I am “just plain happier when I am swimming… so why not?”  Thinking over her suggestion, I decided “why not” as well and joined.

Somewhere in my thought process was the hope that, at this point, exercising the muscles by swimming might help.

Enter the miracle.

Yesterday was my second night swimming.  Midway through my regimen of laps, a man asked me if he could share my lane. Swim protocol and courtesy says the answer to that question is always “Yes.”  After he did a lap or two, with beautiful form, he waited for me to end my lap and asked me if I’d mind if he gave me some constructive advice.  “Not at all, please do” I replied.

“When your left arm comes up out of the water and goes back in its crossing over your plane.  It’s crossing all the way to your right side.  You are going to hurt your rotator cuff and upper back.” (my emphasis not his)!

Can you imagine my shock?  I could hardly believe it.  I had just had an x-ray earlier that day.

Here he had “showed up” (a tri-athlete I might add) to tell me exactly the cause of my back pain.  No disease.  Nothing mysterious.  Doctors need apply.  I am swimming incorrectly and reinjuring myself every time I do.

But here’s the thing.

When you are “in the flow” (no pun intended) the Universe gives you what you need.  Exactly what you need.  Not always what you want, but definitely what you need.

So, I got a diagnosis, a solution, and a free swimming lesson from a tri-athlete because I was open to 1) my spiritual friend’s suggestion that I rejoin the health club and 2) I was trying to do the best I could for  myself.

It’s the stuff of miracles.

But that’s not a surprise because… ‘tis the season.

Right?

As a survivor of attempted suicide, I have been a writer and inspirational speaker on depression and suicide for several years.  Since both subjects continue to have stigma attached to them they don’t get the public attention they need. However, whenever there is a suicide by a public or media worthy person, it presents an opportunity.

Such is the case today with the suicide of convicted financier Bernard Madoff’s eldest son, Mark.

There will be broad conjecture on the “why” of it.  Some will suspect an unrevealed personal embarrassment, or will find perverse satisfaction in Mr. Madoff’s tragic loss and suffering, or, will conclude it’s the “sins of the father” visited upon the son.

I leave those judgmental meanderings to others.

For me, it’s about the two things depression and suicide are always about. The abandonment of trust in one’s ability to handle life’s challenges and the temporary misplacement of hope.

Depression is rooted in the fear that somehow “I am not good enough, capable enough or lovable enough” to live a joyful and productive life.  Its weapon of choice is fear… dense, sluggish energy that manifests as immobility.  A depressed person lacks motivation, initiative, passion and staying power.  They become weighted down by inertia.

When one is depressed, it often follows that feelings of hopelessness accompany feelings of inadequacy resulting in an irrational, but seemingly logical, conclusion that things will never change.  The thought of living an unchanging, inert life becomes unbearable.  Unable to stand the pain, ending one’s life seems a viable option and a “constructive” step to take.

What I share when I speak about depression and suicide is that the only constant in life is change.  For we humans, change is frequently challenging and often uncomfortable.  It’s not so much about learning to overcome feelings of inadequacy and inertia as it is about learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.   Then everyday can be seen for what it is: an endless opportunity to create, anew, the life we imagine.

There are two steps I am certain move depression in a positive direction and mitigate the likelihood that it will lead, unaddressed, to attempted suicide.

Giving: Feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness simply dissipate, or disappear, the moment we step outside ourselves and provide assistance to another in need.  When you’re depressed volunteer, or just reach out within your immediate environment, and provide some form of help or caring for a family member, friend, neighbor or even animal. The warmth that flows through your system in realizing you are needed and appreciated thaws the freeze of inertia.

Doing something you love:  Every cell in your body stores memory as well as the emotion attached to it.   So, when you’re depressed and force yourself to do something you love to do… cycling… planting… painting… walking in Nature… whatever… even though you may start out depressed, the sheer act of having your cells call up the emotion stored in them, along with the memory of that thing you love, causes a crack in the door to the place where the darkness of depression sulks. Once that crack occurs, the frequency of Light energy bound to that pleasant memory begins to enter the darkness.  The Light energy, seeping in, will elevate and brighten your outlook.  Literally.

Mark Madoff left a suicide note.  It may not be a literal note, on a physical piece of paper, but it’s no less instructive or important.  The note said: “I was lost in doubt and hopelessness. I thought I was not good enough. I didn’t see a way out. I could not bear the pain.”  I know that’s what his note said because anyone who has ever been depressed, attempted or committed suicide would leave the same note.

Treating a  suicide as “newsworthy” is to make a distinction without a difference.   All suicides are newsworthy as they represent the loss of the infinite potential each of us is born with to create a better world.  I hope we can shine a bright light on this topic and, by so doing, illuminate the way for all of those who may be temporarily lost in darkness.

I have a friend who has conquered several addictions in her life.  It has taken much effort and courage on her part to do so.  And yet, she is still plagued by an incredible amount of fears that sometime nearly immobilize her but, more commonly, pop up just often enough to just keep her from actualizing her full potential.

Today during a phone conversation with her it dawned on me she’s addicted to fear.  It’s a strange statement to make, I know.  Why would anyone be addicted to fear?  Well, if that’s pretty much all you’ve ever known… it would be easy.

So I got to thinking how we in this country have been so conditioned with “manipulation by fear” for so long that, like my friend, we’re addicted to it.  We can‘t seem to get along without it.

After all, almost all media to which we are exposed can be summed up in the adage “Dog Bites Man” doesn’t sell.  “Man Bites Dog”…now that sells!  Why?  Because for a lot longer than I can attest to personally (hello? original sin?) we have been conditioned to respond to a negative rather than a positive.  And, like any conditioning, we’ve become used to it.  Like hanging.  Isn’t that how the saying goes? “If you hang long enough you get used to it?” Problem is, when you get used to hanging its death you’ve grow accustomed to… not life.

So it is with fear.

Whether it’s an erratic Dow Jones Industrial Average, a potential terrorist attack, a category 4 hurricane, possible flu pandemic, toxic green house gasses, or the endlessly broadcast, telecast and webcast stories of tragedy, thievery and criminality… we are hooked on being afraid.  And left unchecked, fear gets in the way of movement in a positive direction.  In fact, in the extreme, fear gets in the way of movement.  Period.

Our addiction makes us slaves… no matter how democratic and free we think we are.

What’s the answer?

Well, it’s like I told my friend today.  She kicked diet pills, gambling and smoking by going cold turkey.  Like Nancy Reagan suggested… by just saying “No.”  My friend got angry at herself each time she reached her tolerance limit because the substance controlled her.  She didn’t control it.

Now getting angry is not usually a good thing.  But when you use anger-energy to motivate your own Will to overcome that which has overrun you… then anger gets put to constructive use.  And after all, isn’t anger just another form of energy?  When used correctly, all energy can be used for the highest good.

My thinking is that a nation addicted to fear needs to go cold turkey.  But we need to start one person at a time.  So today, turn off or tune out or walk away from anything that emanates or generates fear.  Say “no” to fear and take back your life.  The alternative is slavery and death.

You’ve got a choice, you know.

It’s called Free Will.

The past two weeks have been challenging.  First recovering from a virus followed by a sprained shoulder… it’s been a lot of “non-activity” to ask of someone who is inclined to always be working on something. However, since I make it a practice to walk my talk I have to ask myself, “What is the higher lesson to be learned here?”

I think I have it.  The Universe has a rhythm.  In order to successfully live within the Universe, and in harmony with its rhythm, requires us to feel it and more importantly align with it.

I have a tendency to try to move things at my own pace.  This translates into impatience.  It’s kind of funny that I still find myself impatient since I tell my clients that impatience is “the absence of trust in Divine Timing manifested as a need to control outcomes.”

You’d think I’d remember and follow my own advice.

But, like everyone else, I have an ego that occasionally enjoys getting in my own way.  When I fail to recognize or acknowledge the rhythm of the Universe (also known as Divine Timing) I am under the illusion that my will can oppose Thy will and prevail.  And while I use terminology that is religious or spiritual to make the point, it’s somewhat misleading.

Energy is the source of All That Is, including us.  When we fail to align with the Universal or cosmic flow of energy, it’s like attempting to swim upstream.  Better to move in tandem with that energy, or wait it out, until there is a change of either speed or direction that is more supportive of where it is we want to go.

Nature is great example.  Plants have no ego.  They have a time to germinate, a time to grow, a time to bud and a time to bloom.  They make no effort to impose alternate timing or an alternate outcome.  If I can take some liberty and attribute to them a quality they may not exactly have… they trust the Universe.

I think someone tried to tell us to do the same when they said “To everything there is a season…”.

So, its now two weeks into this “slow down period” and the smartest thing I can do is align with it.  Having tried to do otherwise for these past fourteen days, I’ve decided today to begin doing just that.  I meditated for half an hour this morning and now have written this blog.  It is 10:30am.  I am about to spend the rest of the day on the sofa reading, watching uplifting DVD’s and… well…  not much of anything else.

Except awaiting a change of speed and direction, that is..

Allow me to preface this by saying that as a woman and former divorce lawyer of 13 years I, in no way, condone domestic violence nor do I think that what Mel Gibson has been tape recorded saying is in any way acceptable.  In fact, he has said things that are deeply disturbing if not legally actionable.

However, how and why we choose a partner is always complex. While it is true that verbal abuse and physical threats are never to be sanctioned, what is often overheard by others not directly involved can be but a partial insight and oftentimes misleading.

The choice for two people to be together, for better or worse so to speak, is a mutual choice.  Hopefully, that choice is made out of want rather than need.  But this is not always the case.  In fact, most people come together seeking to fill a lack or void in themselves in the hope that the presence and love from the other will fill it. This is rarely a conscious intention.  And while its never a good way to find a significant other… it’s a very common and human one.

I speak from experience.

When my marriage began to wither, I became at first frustrated by, and later angry at, my spouse’s emotionally detached behavior.  There was a subtle pattern of emotional manipulation that at times drove me to the brink… although I recognized it only in hindsight.  We stayed together. He manipulated me in a very passive/aggressive way as my frustration and anger mounted.  Ultimately, I yelled a lot and said things I’d retract today if I could.

Listening to the Gibson tapes, I was struck by two things.  First, and most obvious, his rage.  But secondly her calm.  I hear myself in him.  I hear my former husband in her.  After all, what is she even doing having these conversations with him?  Why, after prior encounters with his rage, is she still hot-tubbing with him and sleeping in the same bed?  Why is she so calm knowing it escalates and infuriates his anger? What does that do for her?

I hear him saying (however crudely) that he wants certain things from her.  I also hear her saying (admittedly between the lines) “I am trying to love you but you need help.”

This is a co-dependent, enabling and very destructive relationship at best.  But it’s too easy to get caught up in the blame-game and condemn the loudest voice. 

Both these people need help.  Both need to get to the root of their own personal demons and they definitely need to be apart in order to do that internal work . Something drew them together and that something was powerful.

Now it’s about the constructive and wise use of that power.

I don’t believe in fairy tales.  However, when human beings are willing to go the extra mile and do the tough work, miracles are possible as are happy endings.  I have no idea what that looks like in this matter but I wish them both well and send them both healing.

As a Spiritual Coach I’m hearing a great deal lately about people not knowing what to do about, or how to handle, all the change and uncertainty that’s in the air. Because I consider myself an expert on facing change (>read that as LOTS of life experience dealing with the unexpected) I’m pretty comfortable giving out advice on how to effectively get through the unknown.

Its simple, really.  Well, simple to understand, anyway.

The secret, and its really no secret at all, is that anytime we are asked to move from where we are comfortable to someplace unknown, fear comes up.  Now some people will say they don’t experience fear. To that I would reply that there are gradations of fear ranging all the way from a mild discomfort to being completely immobilized.  No matter where you fall along that continuum, at either extreme or someplace in between, the remedy is the same.

Patience in the process.
Trust in the Source.
Release of the outcome.

We live in such an accelerated world that we’ve forgotten what it is to wait.  I mean really wait.  Not wait for a seemingly snail’s paced fax to be sent and arrive because, say, e-mail is down.  I mean really wait.  As in lovingly wait for Nature… or God… or Life to take Its course.  Not only don’t we know how to wait, we don’t even realize that the act of waiting…particularly done in annoyance or frustration… is an impediment to living fully in the present.

That’s where Trust comes into play.  If you can accept that change is inevitable… which it is… and trust that all change is for the highest good… which it is… then there’s no need for impatience.  Because things will unfold as they are intended and. while that’s completing itself. you can go about fully engaged in everything that’s in your life at the moment without care or concern for the outcome.

With patience in the process, trust in the highest good, and absent care or concern for the outcome there is no need or place for fear.

As I said. Simple to understand. Challenging to live.  But since I’ve done it many times, so that its become second nature so to speak, I can tell you with certainty it works.

Give it a try.  It sure beats the alternative.
 

It seems that its becoming increasingly difficult to keep up with all the news.  You pick the category and there’s some breaking story in it.  It really is information overload. 

What’s a person to do?

Well, may I suggest silence.  Its a beautiful, and healing, alternative.  I know because lately I’ve begun to meditate.  Now please don’t write me off as some mystic, or former hippie, who is looking for some way to “drop out.”  I am, and always have been, a Type A personality.  If I’m not in motion, or using my brain in some challenging way…well such reckless frivolity has always been the very definition of “lazy” in my book.  No, what led me to meditation was a combination of 1) coaxing from a dear friend and 2) more “news” than I could handle. 

What I’ve learned from meditation is that there’s more to learn in silence than in all the news that’s fit to print…or broadcast…or telecast…or tweet.  In silence exists an internal knowing that transcends words.  Really. You can’t describe it.  You have to be it. When you are being it, what you feel is everything you’ve ever sought.  Truly.  Now my assumption is that what we all ultimately go in search of is inner peace. I mean, really, isn’t all that we aspire to and seek done in the hopes of acquiring some satisfaction that always seems just beyond our reach…or so transient it was hardly worth the getting?

Well, here’s breaking news.

Inner peace comes from within!  Duh!  You’d think that would be self-evident.  However, we humans with our opposable thumbs and high tech world are still running around trying to find it outside of ourselves. Duh, squared!

So I could have posted this blog entry about Iran’s launch into space, or the White House leak about the cooperating terrorist who tried to blow up a plane Christmas day with explosive underwear, or the yet again declining DOW, or the rumor that the Jolie-Pitts are on  the rocks…but here’s the thing.  I’d just be adding to the information overload.  So instead, I decided to share with you the sound of silence. 

Once in a while, its really sweet to have nothing to say… and even less to listen to.

It was just two days ago that I posted about the drought in Venezuela and its potential impact on the government of Hugo Chavez.  The point of the post was to call attention to the power of Nature in relationship to the power humans like to think we wield.  Now comes a devastating earthquake in Haiti with massive destruction and as yet untold numbers of lives lost.

Its all Natural law at work.

I’m not certain about global warming and whether we’ve created the problem, exacerbated it, or if it even exists at all.  There seems to be a plethora of science on all sides of the argument.  What I am certain of is that for thousands of years we have, at best, ignored the other forms of life with which we share planet Earth and at worst, exploited them for our personal pleasure and gain.

All bills come due, not just our national deficit.

While we are myopically focused on trying to stay afloat during an economic downturn and pass universal health care, we’re neglecting to notice the warning sign emanating from Earth.  She has had enough. I say “she” because “giving” is a characteristic of the Divine Feminine.  The Earth, and all of Nature, know how to give.  They give repeatedly and without demand, thus ensuring the cycle of life and all that it takes to sustain it.

In a groundbreaking book titled “The Chalice and The Blade” Riane Eisler explores, with specificity and over 50 pages of source notes, the archaeological discoveries and historical records that now point to both Paleolithic and Neolithic societies previously believed to be patriarchal which, in fact, were matriarchal.  Matriarchal… without wars, and deeply aligned with and respectful of Nature.

So somewhere we went off track.  Somewhere we decided that it was all here for our use and abuse.  That self-satisfaction was the goal and greed was the means of attaining it.  It has gotten us only so far. 

It appears we’re arrived at a critical evolutionary pause. Unlike those who see Armageddon, or some other cataclysmic event as the obvious outcome, I believe we have an alternative. 

We can restore the Divine Feminine and all that She stands for to Her rightful place alongside the Divine Masculine.. and by that restoration reinvigorate our values, behavior and language with the dignity and respect due every living human being and thing.

In having denigrated and abandoned the Divine Feminine we also abandoned ourselves.

The bill is now due.  We can pay it with our lives or we can enter into a repayment plan whereby, over time, we replenish through thought, word and deed the abundant bounty that was our birthright and which we so carelessly undervalued and exploited. 

It is time to stop taking and start giving.

No one better exemplifies this quality of giving for the highest good of all concerned than the Divine Feminine… Mother of All That Is.  In Her restoration, we restore ourselves unto ourselves.  And in so doing, discover not a tragic end but rather a glorious new beginning.